Let me pause........

Over the last few days....all of us are flooded with messages in social networking sites and in any get together conversations. Emotional messages. Thoughtful messages. Provoking messages. Intuitive messages......all about violence against women.

I happened to participate in a peace march and an awareness workshop on Violence Against Women.

Experts and Social workers came and spoke about self-defense, their experiences on working in this space and the experiences of the victims they work with.

Lots of gruesome/horrific/horrendous (list is endless) real life stories of rape, violence, molest, sex trafficking and any other possible assault.

After hearing all these, I was wondering, what is that I can do? Is there anything at all that I can do?

The debate of "Will system change the society or society changes the system?" is never ending.

But the fact is - every victim has the potential to be an assaulter later. And every assaulter can create 100 victims later.

How do i stop? Where do I start?...lots of unorganized, haywire thoughts going on in my mind.

Few points that I can do/influence are:

1) Don't just sit and crib about the system - Legal/political. It is not helping any one. It is not changing anything.

2) If I really want to make it happen, I need to start from my family, as it is very much within my circle of influence. - Teach my kid to respect every human being irrespective of caste, gender, social status, educational background. Respect and behaving gently goes hand in hand.So, Respect...that’s everything. And that’s what is lacking big time today.

3) Break the "social wiring" and the "gender stereotypes" in my mind and help break this in anyone in my social circle.

4) Don't be a spectator. Yeah...i agree. It’s fun. But, it’s a spineless job. So,I will do my bit in whatever way i can - Help an orphanage, sponsor orphans, teach the under privileged kids, tell them how wonderful they are, spread awareness about crimes, educate women on self-defense, feed one meal to a beggar I come across.....it could be any damn thing that I come across!

5) Give the freedom to kids in the house to talk about sex. Depending on the age of the kid, parents should choose the level of conversation , that their kids can have with them. But, it cannot be a "no-no" topic anymore in the family circle.

6) Getting emotional about the "helplessness" and the corruption in the system, will not lead anywhere. So, think rational on "what is that I can do?" which is more important than, "why is the system not changing?" question (more productive too!)

7) Spread the awareness as much as possible...whenever, wherever.

8) Last...but, not the least....don’t expect others to change....unless I change!

Yeah....by doing all these, i may not see a better world in my life time. But, my grandchildren may!

If I can be even a drop in an ocean to make this world better for them, I would say.......

Yes! I have lived my life!




 

Believe it or not!

At times, we come across certain experiences which will leave us wondering "Did it really happen?" "Oh My God! I just can't believe it". Such experiences may not have any logical explanation. But, at the end, it will make us believe in miracles. Yeah! Miracles do happen!

I came across a freaking but interesting experience a few years back.

One Saturday night, after a late dinner, I was on my way back home with one of my friends.

My friend was riding my honda activa and I was the pillion passenger.

It was 11.45 at night.

We were only half way through when suddenly without any forewarning, my good old vehicle stopped abruptly.

I did try with all my energy (imagining my manager in its place) to kick start it. But, like my manager, my vehicle also refused to listen to my request. After a few turns of "I will try it", "Now, let me try"....both of us had to digest the reality! The reality was - No gas/petrol!

Well...cursing my memory (for not filling in the gas) and our late night dinner plan, both of us started dragging the vehicle.

Though a gas station was there within 5 minutes from the place where we stopped, they were closed that night to our dismay.

So, we went on walking slowly dragging our non-working turbo engine.

After 10 minutes, both of us were too exhausted to carry on further.

And, we had not seen a single auto rikshaw passing our way till then....We were yet to cover half of the distance! We started feeling "depressed" (Read it as sad!)!

Due to my childhood contamination behaviour, i said my usual "when-in-distress-dialogue" - "Gannu...(referring to my favorite God - Ganapathy), I will pay you 5 rupees....Please help us now! Pls"

Drrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr................

Me - "Did I hear any sound?"

My friend - "I think so....."

DRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.......

A two wheeler came and stopped near us...I couldn't see the rider's face as he was wearing an helmet. (It was not mandatory to wear helmet then...but, still......)

Samaritan in Helmet - "What happened? Out of petrol?"

We - "YES".

Samaritan in Helmet -  "Don't worry, I normally carry a bottle of petrol with me. So, will give that to you"

He got down from his vehicle. Opened his seater and took out the bottle and came near us. Took the key from me. Opened our vehicle seater. Open the lid of the petrol tank. Poured the petrol. Closed the lid. Closed the seater. Returned the key to me. Went back to his vehicle.Started his vehicle engine.

All this while, both of us were so petrified (for whatever reasons!) and were watching him to just get a glance of his face. Interestingly, we couldn't see any features, clearly. And he didn't bother to take off his helmet.

As he started his vehicle, we came back to our senses and said "Thanks a ton, Sir. How much do we need to pay you?"

Samaritan in Helmet (Smiled, or so i guessed) - "No need to pay any money. You take care. Good Night"

And...He just rode off.....

Now....how many times, do we come across people, who carry petrol with them? Of them, how many will share the petrol with others for free? Of those, how many will not even bother to show their face?

Well...remember???  .....Miracles do happen!














 

Realistic Encounter

He was not sure whether she is acting as if she doesn’t care or she really doesn’t care

“What happened to my Mahi whose world used to revolve around me?

Why can’t she sense my needs?

Why doesn’t she understand I am still the same old Kish? Her own Kish?”


“Stop craving for more Kish! Don’t you see?? She is busy with the kids!!”

“Kids! Kids! Kids!!! Bloody hell!!! They are mine as well!!!!”

“I know…but, she takes care of the kids…she doesn’t have time for you…do understand!”

“What about me? Does she think I don’t need to be taken care of?”

“Why don’t you talk to her rather than talking to me?”

“Yeah! I am going to do that…its now or never!”

“YES!”

**************************************

Kish – Mahi…I want to talk to you….

Mahi – Hmmm…Even I want to tell you something

Kish – (with increasing heart beat) I don’t think, as a couple, we have it in us anymore…I want to care for you..I love you…But, I don’t think you care!

Mahi – (with her wide eyes) What? Are u telling me that I don’t care??? My life revolves around u and these kids…and u are saying I don’t care? V fuuny!

Kish – Well….i do know that u care for our kids…but, what about me? For god sake….do understand my point!

Mahi – All my life, I have tried to understand you, Kish…Now for God sake, you better understand my point!

Kish – Ok…what is your point? That you want to divorce? To see another man? To enjoy your life? What …what??? Spit out out!!!!!!!




“Kish…Kish…KISH…….Stop screaming!!!!! what happened???????? Wake up!!!! Wake up!!!!! And get ready fast… we have our first appointment with the Gynec, at 11 AM! I am all thrilled!!!”

Kish opened his eyes to see a wide eyed, smiling and beautiful Mahi who is 2 months pregnant with their first child.

Interrogation

She - What?????? Are you writing a book???

Me - Yes.

She  - (Thinking)

She - Are you sure you want to do that?

Me - Yes. I think so.

She - (Thinking)

She - With the kind of blog that you have, are you sure, you will be able to write a book?

Me - Yes. I think so.

She - (Thinking)

She - Do you have a plot in mind?

Me - Yes. I do.

She - (Thinking)

She - The language with a tamil mix which you use in your blog, cannot be used in a book. Do you know that?

Me - Well...I have done a bit of reading and i have figured out how to include that style of writing in my book.

She - (Thinking)

She - How can you publish by the end of this year?

Me - Its next year...not this year.

She - Oh...yeah..i saw that...sorry, i thought it is this year...

She - (Thinking)

She - I am shocked! (looks shocked too)

She - (Thinking)

She - How will you find a publisher?

Me - I am working on it. Not sure at this point. But, will have to make it happen.

She - (Thinking)

She - Tell me something. What if it doesn't sell well?

Me - I am writing because i enjoy it...so, i don't really think it will affect me if it doesn't do well in the market.

She - (Thinking)

She  - What if people do not like it?

Me - What if people like it?

She - You know what?

Me - What?

She - Wow!!!! I am amazed at your courage and I realize that all it takes is the courage to do something. Rest everything will follow.

Me - (Thinking)

Me - I think so!!!!

Kaliyugam – whatever it means!

Yesterday, on my way to the grocery shop, I witnessed this minor accident where one Swift-y hit one Bike-y and the bike got struck under the Swift’s bumper.

 The bike-y tried hard for 2-3 minutes to take his bike out from its “hayyo paavam” position…finally succeeded in pulling it out in full working condition.

 Our Swift-y gentleman was sitting inside the car all this while and after confirming that the bike is out without any damage…he got out of the car in a “what the hell did you do to my bumper” expression and directly looked at the car bumper and then at the bike-y asked him ”don’t you have eyes”????

 Then the 2 gentlemen kept competing on “who blames the other best?”….the rest is history.

 You may be thinking…what is new in this situation? There is nothing new! – Well, that’s exactly my worry!

 The other day, after going through one whole page of news on child molest, gang rape, bank robbery, hit and run…I heard my grandmother mumbling “Kaliyugam! alladhakki enna chollaradhu”? (Translation – “Kaliyugam! What else can I say?”)

 Before checking his car bumper, the swift-y is not even looking at the bike-y to check whether he is ok.

His car is more valuable than a human life. Now the question is “What if the mistake was on Bike-y’s part?” – of course!, there are 2 sides to every coin. And I don’t know the other side as I didn’t see it.

 But, the question here is not about who is right and who is wrong.

The question is, how much does a human life value to you? When the world is going gaga about sustainability, go green, global warming etc etc….the basic itself is getting destabilized.

 To me, kaliyugam is not about just bad happenings all around. It is the gradual fear which is gripping human mind!

 A bike-y is scared to give lift to a pedestrian, a lady is scared to travel alone at night, a parent is worried about the kid when they are not around…there is a fear in everyone…and its gradually spreading.

 Probably this swift-y pretended to be more concerned about his car than the bike-y because he feared that he would be asked money if he pretended to be a caring human being!

 That’s the irony….The belief that if you are good, you will be deceived and be taken advantage of!

 Be strong, be bold, be courageous to face kaliyugam….but, try to be human as well!

Thousand faces...Thank you!

Completed the first milestone of 1000 pageviews! Thank you everyone for visiting my blog!

Happy reading!

After effect!

The characters and incidents in this narration are purely fictitious and any resemblence to you or any of you is purely incidental.


Revathi Krishnan, the city's renowned Psychiatrist looked at her watch. Its 7.00 PM . She checked her appointment diary. One more appointment to go...the last one for the day.

She checked the available details of the next patient.
Name - Avantika Hariharan
Age - 25
Profession - Software engineer
Marital status - Single

Mostly - a break up issue...or parents divorce issue...or inferiority complex/inhibition issue. Revathi thought to herself.

She called for Avantika.

Avantika entered the room.

Appearance - Not breathtakingly beautiful.But,definitely cute, stylish. Large expressive eyes. Wheatish complexion. Good features.

First impression - Looks smart. No apparent physical reason which can lead to inferiority complex. Revathi continued her thoughts.

Avantika took her seat.

Revathi flaunted her warm smile and asked: "So, tell me something about yourself."

Avantika - "I am Avantika. My parents are working.I have an elder brother and sister. Mine is one of the most respected families in my village. After completing my B.Tech, i joined Excellence IT organization as Software Engineer. I always thought i have got everything i want in my life and I was very happy with my life."

Revathi - "So, what is the issue?"

Avantika - "Now,I am very unhappy with my life.I think, my life sucks. I think, all my friends and the people around me are having a much better life (well, i don't think they deserve it!). And i think, i deserve better things in life. I have not visited any foreign countries till date. I have not met any celebrities. I have not received any awards for my performance at office. I have not yet met Mr.Right.I don't have any talents - i don't dance, I don't sing, I don't have interest in Photography. I don't own anything which i can flaunt.I think, my life is terrible...horrible."

Revathi - "I understand...life can be very difficult, at times. Since, when did this start? What was that life turning incident which affected you so much? Feel free to be frank, honest. Open up."

Avantika - "Since the day............. i............................ signed up in Facebook!!"

Change Management - HWD!!!

All of us go through change. For some, it is easier to manage it. For others, they take time. The question is not - which is right and which is wrong. But.......!!! Well, why don't we come back to this point later?

So...to drive my point..let me introduce Gowry to you.

Gowry has always been a chirpy,bubbling with energy and take life as it comes type. She was brought up by her working mother who is equally bindass. She has witnessed her parents broken marriage. But, that has never affected her outlook towards life as it taught her to count her blessings whenever she goes through a difficult phase in life.

She hates to judge and be judged. She believes nobody is perfect. So is she. She looks at every phase and incident of her life as a learning. For her, world and life is much larger than doing the chorus all the time inside the four walls of the house. She doesn't believe in destiny. Hence, she does'nt fit in the typical "go with the flow" stereo type woman who gets arrested in the expectation trap. She is a dreamer. She enjoys all the small things in life. She never compares herself with others as she thinks, everyone is unique. She has never felt "jealous" about anyone.
And tries to keep her smile all the time.

And her biggest dream is to make a positive difference to atleast a few people apart from her family. Hence, she works on realizing this dream whenever possible.

In her 30 years of revolving around the sun, she has not wasted her life by just transforming oxygen to carbondioxide. But, balanced the ups and downs of life pretty well and realized many of her dreams in her own way - family, career, work on social cause, continue her talent showcase in music,learnt cooking, cleans the house (to an extent!) etc etc.

But, then she realizes...people who are not just tresspassers, but, who travel with her in this journey have never travelled in the same path that she has travelled always. They seek her to change her path and take their path. So, the point here is....

Does she need to change her path completely? Is it possible to mix their path and her path?

Now...coming back to our unfinished question.

Is Change Management about managing change in the means and ways you are comfortable in managing it? OR Changing yourself completely to manage the change because that is what is expected of you?

To all the women out there - this Gowry is you and me!

Happy Women's day! Celebrate womenhood! :) :) :)