A 3 year old boy is crying. Mother puts her index finger on
her nose (gestures like in ”shame shame…”) and says “ayyaaeee…only girls cry. Don’t you know that?”
The trick worked. The boy stopped
crying.
So, what’s wrong in this? The boy stopped crying. Right? So,
what is the big deal?
The big deal is that, now, the boy believes that only girls
cry!
Is it so?
I have a 3.5 year old son. I am still evolving as a mother
and I know that it is a never ending journey. I don’t think there will be a time
in my life when I would be able to say “ I am evolved as a mother.”
But, over the years in my journey as a mother, I have
experienced (ended up with) and witnessed many such instances which has made me realize the
damage created post the “dialogue” in the situation.
As parents, we may be “trapped” in to saying a dialogue due
to a particular situation. But, it is important for us to ask ourselves
“Really? Do I believe so?” immediately after giving an extremely opinionated
dialogue which can form a stereotype or generalization belief, in the kid.
If the answer to the above question to self is “yes”, then it may be the time for us to realize our own stereotypes/generalization believes and their genesis based on our own experiences.
Sometimes, we may be even surprised to realize that we have certain
stereotypes/generalization believes which we had never thought of before.
In such situations, the most important point is to let the
kid know about the repercussions of a “bad” behavior instead of telling him/her,
that only a certain set of kids/community will behave badly.
Few more classic examples that I have come across are:
1) Boys
need to be strong (Girls need not be strong?)
2) Girls
don’t play with guns/Boys don’t play with soft toys (?)
3) Pink
for girls and blue for boys (By the way, who decided these colors? - That reminds me; I need to google to find out!)
4) As
a girl, you need to learn to cook and to clean the house. (age old dialogue)
5) Beggars
are lazy. That’s why they are begging (what message is the parent trying
to drive?)
6) Young
generation is impatient. You want everything immediately.
7) Your
classmate XYZ is rich. So, she/he can afford to be lazy.
8) People
from this community/region/country are very cunning. ( a mom telling her
friends and her kid listening)
So, next time, when we end up saying "U know what" dialogues, "U know how" to mitigate the damage!
Happy Parenting!
