As I learn, I teach - As I teach, I learn

At times, a sense of direction and inspiration comes from some unexpected people from nowhere...what do you call it?! Co-incidence?

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Saw this old couple running a small restaurant inside an apartment in Bangalore.

Me - What motivates you to work at this age?

76  year old guy - Necessity....

Me - Hmmm...

Him - Was wealthy till 3 years back. Lost crores of rupees in my business...So, there is a necessity to survive....That's why this small restaurant business.

Me (looking at his 71 year old wife) - It must have been difficult for both of you to go through this...

Him  - Very difficult! But, will it help if I sit and cry thinking about it? So, decided to do what we can, with whatever little money we have. She (looking at his wife) has been a part of my happy days.So she decided to be part of my sad days as well...I am lucky...you know!

Me (Awestruck)......

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What do you call it? Co-incidence??

No...

I would call it Destiny!
They were destined to teach me something about something!

A salute to such teachers and their thoughts!
A salute to such learners and their learning!

Happy Teachers' day, my fellow beings!








 

A drop in an ocean..

Sreerenjini Rajesh -

A complete stranger to me. A person whom I got to know about, 1 year after her demise. Her story moved me. Made me think.

On August 14th, this year, I came across a post shared by someone as "PostPartum/Delivery Depression Awareness Day". As this topic has been close to my heart since my delivery, I was curious to see who has started this campaign. That's how I bumped in to Sreerenjini's story.

A wonderful mother to a 3.5 year old son. A lovely wife. A great friend to many.

But, the death came to her in the form of Postpartum Depression, post her 2nd delivery.

89 days after giving birth to an angel, she took her life on Aug 14th, 2012 due to Postpartum depression.

Though she had displayed all the symptoms of PPD, her family and people in her close circle could not recognize it due to the lack of awareness about PPD. She writhed. She cried. She was desperate. She was hopeless.

Post her death, her husband has started this awareness day campaign to help others avoid the trauma he and his beloved went through.

Sreerenjini's death shook my conscious.

I realized - How much we under estimate the effect of PPD. How PPD affected people are taken for granted though they are in their most vulnerable phase of life. How, unless someone goes through it, cannot empathize with these people. How strong is the stigma attached to this topic.

This realization inspired me to start a campaign in FB.

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Post-Delivery-Depression-Anxiety/429340563849717

 

The objective is to increase the awareness about this in our society and reachout to those in need and their families. The idea is to break the wrong notions that people have towards the women going through this. There is nothing to be ashamed of PPD. Seek help and provide help is the motto.

Please do like this page and be part of this social clause.
You may even save a life by doing so.

Let us ensure that there are no more victims like Sreerenjini - a flower crushed even before it blosommed!

I miss you Sreerenjini - in a strange way!

 

Notes to myself

All I wish for is….

A rainbow when it rains,

A bird humming when the sun shines.
A clear night sky full of stars,
A nice breeze when the world stands still.

A help without expectation,

A tight hug when the life gets tough.
A warm smile when I am lost,
A soothing word when nothing goes right.

An inner voice which shows me the way,

A faith in me when everything fails my way.
An ability to bounce back when I am tired,
An attitude to say “live to love and love to live”.

Wishes are simple…yet many.

Which makes me wonder…

What makes me live and love this life?

 Of course!

The HOPE that these wishes will come true…

And the BELIEF that I am going to see it through!

U Know what - dialogues

A 3 year old boy is crying. Mother puts her index finger on her nose (gestures like in ”shame shame…”) and says “ayyaaeee…only girls cry. Don’t you know that?”

 

The trick worked. The boy stopped crying.

So, what’s wrong in this? The boy stopped crying. Right? So, what is the big deal?

The big deal is that, now, the boy believes that only girls cry!

Is it so?

I have a 3.5 year old son. I am still evolving as a mother and I know that it is a never ending journey. I don’t think there will be a time in my life when I would be able to say “ I am evolved as a mother.”

But, over the years in my journey as a mother, I have experienced (ended up with) and witnessed many such instances which has made me realize the damage created post the “dialogue” in the situation.

As parents, we may be “trapped” in to saying a dialogue due to a particular situation. But, it is important for us to ask ourselves “Really? Do I believe so?” immediately after giving an extremely opinionated dialogue which can form a stereotype or generalization belief, in the kid.

If the answer  to the above question to self is “yes”, then it may be the time for us to realize our own stereotypes/generalization believes and their genesis based on our own experiences. Sometimes, we may be even surprised to realize that we have certain stereotypes/generalization believes which we had never thought of before.

In such situations, the most important point is to let the kid know about the repercussions of a “bad” behavior instead of telling him/her, that only a certain set of kids/community will behave badly.

Few more classic examples that I have come across are:

1)      Boys need to be strong (Girls need not be strong?)

2)      Girls don’t play with guns/Boys don’t play with soft toys (?)

3)      Pink for girls and blue for boys (By the way, who decided these colors? - That reminds me; I need to google to find out!)

4)      As a girl, you need to learn to cook and to clean the house. (age old dialogue)

5)      Beggars are lazy. That’s why they are begging (what message is the parent trying to drive?)

6)      Young generation is impatient. You want everything immediately.

7)      Your classmate XYZ is rich. So, she/he can afford to be lazy.

8)      People from this community/region/country are very cunning. ( a mom telling her friends and her kid listening)

So, next time, when we end up saying "U know what" dialogues,  "U know how" to mitigate the damage!

Happy Parenting!

 

An angel in disguise

I was lost in thoughts when suddenly someone shook my hands, in the bus stop.

 

It was a little girl. Definitely not more than 8 yrs old.

 

Dark complexion. Brown eyes. She was wearing a white turned mild brown (due to dust and dirt) shirt.  And a completely mismatching pink long skirt.

 

The Shirt & the skirt had one common feature – both were torn at many places. Her hair was wild, rough and all over the place. It looked as if, her hair has not been combed or applied oil for ages.

 

Shaking my hands she said – “Give me some money, akka” (Akka means– Sister)

 

I asked -  “Ok. If I give you money, what will you do with that?”

 

She didn’t expect that question. She hesitated. “Hmmmm….”.

 

She took few more seconds to respond. “I will do something…”- She responded in a very innocent tone.

 

I said – “Do something good. Ok?”

 

She gave a side glance to another little boy (who looked like her big brother) who stood few meters away from us.

 

Then she said in a serious tone “But, I will not give it to him!”

 

I said “ I don’t know why you will not give it to him. But, it is up to you!”

 

And I handed over a 20 rupees note to her.

 

Her eyes widened. I saw a flash of smile. Few teethes were missing. But, it was a beautiful smile. And suddenly her face was glowing.

 

She swiftly took the money from my hand. Walked towards her brother. Like a ramp walk! J

She showed that money to him in a “Rajini” style.

She giggled. She jumped. She danced.

 

I couldn’t stop my smile seeing her joy. I was very curious to see, what is she up to. So, I kept watching her.

 

Then, she turned like a stylish model and walked towards the small grocery shop next to her (continuing her ramp walk style!)

 

After entering the small shop, she offered her recently acquired “asset” to the shop keeper and “ordered” -

 

“…..GIVE ME ONE PEPSI”

 

Pepsi???!!!! Wow! – I was pleasantly surprised.

 

Her dramatics didn’t stop there. She took the bottle from the shop and came back and sat near her brother.

 

May be she felt, that sitting posture was not dramatic enough. She changed it. She sat cross-legged and looked as if she was about negotiate a deal with Barack Obama. (Reminded me of “Rajini” in “Padayappa” (tamil) movie's super popular scene!)

 

And gulped that Pepsi at one go! Her brother gave her a “I don’t care. Are you nuts?” look.

 

But, she was in her own world. It was just her and her Pepsi. Nothing else in between!

 

That day, I realized the real meaning of the phrase - “made my day”.

 

Yeah! She made my day!

 

 

 

 

 

An Unfulfilled Wish

Year – 2003

Time – 1.30 PM

Day - Saturday

 

Scene 1

 

I was on my way from Bangalore to my native place in a Government bus. It’s a 8 hours journey.

This was my second trip to my native place after joining the first job in my career, 3 months back.
 

As the bus started moving out of the city, passengers settled in – reading, listening to music, talking (shouting), sleeping, gazing out….

 

I was watching the passing streets, people, shops, trees…and listening to some Tamil songs in my antique Walkman.
 

There was an old woman sitting a few seats before mine. Just behind the driver’s seat. She was sitting there facing the bus door. So, I could see her face.

 

I looked at her. She might have been in her 70’s. Even in 80’s. Her shoulders were humped….as a proof of years of hard work. She had beautiful wrinkles...as a proof of years of survival.

I went on looking at her. Not sure…what thoughts were running in my mind. But, I was intrigued. May be, because of her eyes? Her wrinkles? - I still don’t know.
 

To my shock, she started vomiting suddenly…And she spewed out blood.
 

For few seconds, I was petrified. As soon as I came to my senses, I checked for water and realized my water bottle was empty.

 

I got up from the seat and turned to the passenger’s side. Could see all their eyes trapped on the old lady. But, it looked as if they were all watching a show. No one got up. No one came forward.
 

I raised my voice – “Has any one got a bottle of water ?”
 

1 couple gave me their half-filled bottle. No one came forward, though I could see many people with bottles of water.
 

I went near this old lady and started stroking her back. When she stopped vomiting, she emptied that water bottle in an urge like a baby drinking mother’s milk.
 

She told the bus conductor (helper) “I will get down in next bus stand. I don’t have any one and I don’t have anything”
 

I didn’t know what to do next.
 

We reached the next bus stop in 5 minutes.
 

Driver and I helped her to get down.
 

I came back to my seat. Checked my purse – I had 100 rupees. I took 75 rupees and got down and gave it to her. She blessed me…I saw a few drops of tears in her eyes.
 

I got in to the bus and bus moved on. My thoughts were still with her.
 

 

Scene 2

 

After the next few stops, the bus stopped near a roadside tea/coffee shop for a short break.
 

The couple who gave me the water bottle came to me. The Husband spoke - “ We were shocked when a girl like you just got up and asked for water to help that lady. I never knew, girls like you who look like Jyothika (a female actor in South Indian movies) will come forward for such things. I am still not able to believe.”
 

Another passenger came and offered me a cup of tea – “Amma (Me??? AMMA??), We need people like you. Take this tea from me, please”
 

2 samosas were offered to me by another passenger as an “award” for my act!
 

By the end of that coffee break, I was bestowed a title by the passengers - “AMMA”!

 

 

How I wish, that old amma had received all this attention, love and help!

 

 

I Believe...

Recently, I was invited by an IT organization in Bangalore, to talk on “Women empowerment”.

 

What is women empowerment?

 

I asked this question to 15 people. I got 15 different answers.

 

That’s when I realized, though we have heard this term so many times before, it means different things to different people – of course, driven by their own experiences.

 

To me, it is about “Belief in self” – Hence, I spoke about how to empower ourselves as an individual, as a leader and as a citizen.

 

Apart from very few nuances which are gender specific (eg- female gender’s need to interact more with the ecosystem), the concept of empowerment is very much the same for all the genders.

 

For many, empowering is about someone else empowering them. Someone else, approving us as “good” “bad” “ugly”.

 

But to me, the moment you start believing in yourself and allowing yourself to do what you believe in – that’s empowerment.

 

And it is very individualistic.

 

For some people, they would empower themselves for a family cause. For others it would be for a social cause. For yet another group it would be an individual cause. It would be a combination of all these for many.

 

Why do you want to get empowered? To do what? Would it make you happy?

 

Every individual will need to decide for self on this, not because, someone else thinks “That is the right way of life”.

Because, this individual believes, that, this is his/her way of life.

 

Is it difficult? Of course, yes! But not, impossible!

 

Are you empowering yourself to believe it?

The Butterfly effect!

Nope...I am not talking about the Quantum physics' Butterfly effect. I am talking about the effect, a butterfly had on me :-)

I was on my way to the Psychotherapy class this morning...I was tired, thoughtful and anxiously looking forward to the class that I love. After a restless night due to my son's disturbed sleep, I was not sure, whether I would really be energetic through out the day.

As I was riding my Honda activa (bike), I suddenly felt something hitting my neck. Something very light in weight.

I looked at the rear mirror and didn't see anything. So, I continued to ride.

In the next traffic signal when I stopped the vehicle I looked down and noticed one butterfly trying to climb up my dress towards my lap.

It looked as if, it was really trying hard to climb. Unfortunately, my dress was too slippery to climb.

For a minute I could feel my heart pumping faster, as I was thrilled to see a butterfly on me.

Unsure about the next action, I slowly reached out to it and offered my thumb.

What if it comes to my hand? What a wishful thinking!

Oh My God!

It just easily slipped to my thumb. I just couldn't hold my smile (BIG). I was overwhelmed.

I carefully raised my hand to my eye level as I didn't want to scare it. I removed my helmet with the right hand as this butterfly continued to stay on my left hand's thumb.

Its then that I noticed its beauty. It had 2 beautiful chocolate brown wings with yellow polka dots.

I couldn't believe that this brownie beauty was just staying on my thumb.

This moment took me to a peak of joy and made me smile from my heart.

I couldn't help it. I whispered "Thank you".

It started fluttering its wings as if it got my message and slowly started flying away from me.

As I looked up to bid good bye to this brownie, the reality struck me.

People around me in the traffic signal were gaping at me as if it was a heroine's introduction scene in a kolly/tolly/bollywood movie!!!

Well....

The effect which this butterfly had on me? I would call it "Divine"!!!







 

Corporate Thamasha

Shankar knocked the door twice...little apprehensively at first...then, little strongly.

Before he was about to knock the third time, he heard from Raghav - "Come in..."

While entering the room, Shankar gave a polite head nod and said "Hello"

Raghav - "Take your seat and give me a minute, Shankar. Let me quickly send this mail and catch up with you"

Shankar gave another polite head nod and said (as he cleared his throat) - Sure, Sir.

Clock went on ticking....1 minute, 3 minutes, 5 minutes, 10 minutes...............13 minutes.

Shankar mentally counted the number of  Achievement Certificates displayed in Raghav's room. "12 certificates? Wow! So, every year he has managed to get 2 certificates in the last 6 years in this organization??? Hmmmmm"

After counting the number of certificates mentally and brilliantly reaching a concluding question, he started reading the text on the certificates, "Best employee of the year", "Most valuable contributor", "Best innovator", "Howzzaat award", "Best Talent Leader", "Most admired vendor partner", "Li......

"So, what brings you here, Shankar?" - Shankar's text reading was interrupted by Raghav's terrific managerial voice.

"Well sir.......had been thinking about having this conversation with you for a while....."

Another interruption from Raghav -"I completely understand that you are very upset with the appraisal rating. While, I know you are not ok with it, I want you to understand the fact that I have given you what I could do best"

"But, Sir....I really need to..."

Unintentional interruption from Raghav - "Yes, I do see where you are coming from. But, you see, we need to go by Organization's policy.I admire you as an employee. But,when it comes to performance rating, I need to be really professional"

"I do understand, Sir. But, I wanted to ....."

"Come on yaar. .Our life is full of ups and downs. We need to learn from it and move on rather than sitting on it. You just work on your communication skills and customer service skills. I am sure, it will help you to get a better rating next year. Challenge yourself. That's the best way to improve your performance"

"Sir, i don't think......."

"The problem i see with you young folks these days is, you are very short term oriented. All the dreams cannot be achieved in single day. It takes step by step effort to achieve it. Hope you get it. Oh...by the way, I have a client call now. So, can we talk later?"

Shankar got up and walked towards the door.

" Shankar, Are you ok? I hope our conversation helped" - (Raghav couldn't help but, show his kind and caring nature)

Shankar turned towards Raghav - "I came to inform you about my decision to quit and invite you for my wedding in the coming month, Sir. Yes, this conversation really helped. It just reassured that I have taken the right decision. Thank you Sir.".

Shankar opened the door and before exiting the room, he turned towards Raghav and asked, "Sir, are you ok????"

Twinkling Little Stars

I saw so many of them...Twinkling, Bright, Tiny - Puny, Beautiful, Charming, Shouting, Crying, Pleading, Fussing.....Well, I am talking about the peers of my 3 year old son on his School Annual Day.

As the Inauguration time approached, I saw few stars crying for Chocolate/Biscuit, few refusing to go behind the stage, few petrified because of this large gathering, and few sleeping and snoring away to glory.

By the time program started, all the parents had succeeded in putting their kids on to the back stage for their respective performances.

From Singing Heal The World to dancing to the tune of Salaam Namaste, From enacting as Cap seller and the Monkeys to tapping foot for Baaji Baaji Bambo.... it was an action packed, nonstop entertainment!

In a singing performance, of the 15 kids on the stage, only one girl sang. Post performing when almost the entire crew left the stage, that’s when one shining star realized, that she has not yet sung. So, she started arranging the mike. But, it was too late!

In another dance performance, all the 5 kids on the stage refused to move even one step (and bum). So, from beginning to end, all the kids were staring at the audience.

In yet another dance performance, one kid came running on to the stage and returned in the same speed. We did not see him on the stage after that. I could see from the side of the stage that the teacher was pleading, cajoling, pretending to be angry and trying all the techniques possible to make him join the others on the stage. But, he profusely refused!

Another little star was happily dancing on the stage with her peers, till her over excited parents called (shouted) her name from the audience....BOOM! Tears started flowing from her eyes like an opened water dam! Sorry parents....the damage is done already!

My fellow came on to the stage and gave some very funny expressions with an intention of letting us know that he is not too pleased with the flash light. And he completed the entire dance performance standing on the same spot without looking either side. All the gestures were spot on! And his foot too was spot on!

As a parent, I was over whelmed with emotions to see our "grown up little stars" facing the entire crowd, recalling the entire steps and trying to do their level best...and i realized that each and every parent in that room would have gone through the same.

Who said, nobody is perfect?

These kids are perfect...in their innocence, expressions and ability to make people around them happy!

Yeah….for me, I got to revisit my childhood days through this experience. And enjoyed every bit of it!