My Dearest Sakhi

Sustainability, Global warming, Climate change, Plastic usage, Save water, Save trees....

Like many of you, I also literally switch off my listening mode (and brain) when these words  are used in a conversation that I am part of. Mind you, not that i don't understand. I just don't care!

Well...didn't care.

Till this morning.

The theatre group I am part of were invited to perform a street play, as part of the "Bangalore Tree Festival". As a part of the practice for the play, there were loads of discussions around the repercussions of using plastic, ill-effects of cutting down the trees, what should we do to handle these, how do we go about it...so on and so forth.

The entire theatre experience had planted a strong seed of thought in me - about the way I am taking all these for granted. There were many questions in me that I was not yet willing to address.

But, the thought reached its peak, shook my conscious and made me shrink in shame today, when...

...I got to hug a tree!

As part of an on the spot dance workshop, the participants were asked to hug a tree for 3 minutes.

I laughed when I heard it first.
I approached a tree thinking - "I am definitely going to look silly!"

Well..

Those 3 minutes turned out to be one of the most beautiful moments of my life!
Something in me changed in those 3 minutes...

I felt as if that tree accommodated me so well, in spite of its texture, shape and size.
I felt as if I was taken in to the arms of someone who was determined to protect me for my life.
I felt as if that tree was the most selfless human being, I have ever come across.
I felt as if I am safe in those arms and branches.
I felt as if I am loved unconditionally by a stranger.

I also felt ashamed. Bad. Angry. Sad.

To my surprise, I didn't feel like parting that tree! I didn't feel silly about hugging a tree anymore!

Then, I had to give the tree a name, as part of the workshop.
I chose Sakhi, an eternal friend - considering all her attributes.

My dearest Sakhi - you are still haunting me...

The question in me still remains - What have I done to deserve you?




























 

Sense of anger!

Yes...you heard it right! Haven't you heard of sense of humor?  Something like that!

Daniel Goleman starts his book “Emotional Intelligence” by quoting Aristotle - "Anybody can become angry - that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose and in the right way - that is not within everybody's power and is not easy".

I have always been awed by this statement, not just for the powerful message it doles out but also the way it seeks to mock our ‘sense of anger’.

Reading & learning is one thing; witnessing someone who lives by this quote and learning through that experience is completely a different thing!

In 2003, when I was working as a credit card sales person in the banking industry, I had to go and meet people - entrepreneurs, salaried employees & corporates to sell the cards.

Once, I had the opportunity to meet a middle aged women entrepreneur to sell the card. She was in her mid 40s. A very well dressed, well spoken, educated female who was successfully running her own family business.

It was a successful sales call. She agreed to buy the card. I got her signature on the required documents. I had to get the photocopy of her PAN card as a proof document. As she didn't have a copy, I offered to help her in getting the photocopy of the document. (I really wanted to close this sales call, on the same day).

It took me 10 minutes by walk to reach the nearby shop to photocopy the document. I got the document photocopied, paid the shopkeeper, collected the documents and started walking back to her office. As I was about to reach her office, I quickly checked the documents to ensure that everything is intact.

To my shock/surprise I couldn't find the original copy of her PAN card. I stopped immediately and checked the documents again. Nope! The original PAN card wasn't there. I was in a complete state of panic.

I rushed to the shop to check whether I have misplaced the card there. The shopkeeper searched everywhere possible and confirmed that the card is not there.

I started looking for the card on the walk path. I turned every stone, I moved every sand, hoping to see the card somewhere on the path near the road!

I went back and forth that path - from her office to that shop at least 10 times. Yet, no trace of the card!

The fear started gripping me more and more - Oh God!  "I HAVE LOST HER PAN CARD"!

The sense of guilt and shame stopped me from going back to her office to meet her. I could not imagine the thought of looking in to her eyes and telling her that I have lost her card! I was hoping for a miracle to happen! A miracle,  that could save me from that moment of truth!

I waited on the road for 10 more minutes for the miracle to happen! Well...Nothing happened!

I was not sure whether I wanted to cry first or hit myself first.

So, I decided to go back to her office! Did I have a choice?

I reached her office. My heart started beating faster as I approached her. She looked at me, smiled at me kindly; My heart melted! I felt more ashamed! I felt more scared!

I told her. I didn't explain what happened, how it happened. I just told her! For a minute, she didn't react. I waited for what was to come next.

Then she smiled at me and said "Hmmm...I am thinking, what needs to be done now to apply for a new card. I know that you wouldn't have done intentionally. I also know that you are feeling really bad about it already. The least I want to do is to make you feel even worse!"

What??? Did she really react the way she just did? I couldn't stop myself from asking (thanks to the nagging guilt and the thought that "I definitely deserve a punishment!")

Me - "Are you not angry with me? Don't you feel like shouting at me?"

She continued to look at me with a smile and asked - "Will it help me in getting my lost card?"

Me (my eyes opened as wide as possible) - "How is it even possible for you to react like this?"

Graciously - She answered "I ask myself - What is my intention when I express my anger? Is it to make the other person feel bad? Is it to make the other person realize that his/her actions are wrong? Is it to solve the issue I have now? In this case, you are already feeling bad and you know that what you did was not correct, so, I am directly focusing on the issue! Trust me - in most of the cases, the other person involved in the issue would have already realized the mistake and felt the guilt. So, all I have to do is focus on the solution!"

Wow! Thank you ma'm for teaching me the lesson of my life.

 

As I learn, I teach - As I teach, I learn

At times, a sense of direction and inspiration comes from some unexpected people from nowhere...what do you call it?! Co-incidence?

__________________________________________________________________

Saw this old couple running a small restaurant inside an apartment in Bangalore.

Me - What motivates you to work at this age?

76  year old guy - Necessity....

Me - Hmmm...

Him - Was wealthy till 3 years back. Lost crores of rupees in my business...So, there is a necessity to survive....That's why this small restaurant business.

Me (looking at his 71 year old wife) - It must have been difficult for both of you to go through this...

Him  - Very difficult! But, will it help if I sit and cry thinking about it? So, decided to do what we can, with whatever little money we have. She (looking at his wife) has been a part of my happy days.So she decided to be part of my sad days as well...I am lucky...you know!

Me (Awestruck)......

__________________________________________________________________

What do you call it? Co-incidence??

No...

I would call it Destiny!
They were destined to teach me something about something!

A salute to such teachers and their thoughts!
A salute to such learners and their learning!

Happy Teachers' day, my fellow beings!








 

A drop in an ocean..

Sreerenjini Rajesh -

A complete stranger to me. A person whom I got to know about, 1 year after her demise. Her story moved me. Made me think.

On August 14th, this year, I came across a post shared by someone as "PostPartum/Delivery Depression Awareness Day". As this topic has been close to my heart since my delivery, I was curious to see who has started this campaign. That's how I bumped in to Sreerenjini's story.

A wonderful mother to a 3.5 year old son. A lovely wife. A great friend to many.

But, the death came to her in the form of Postpartum Depression, post her 2nd delivery.

89 days after giving birth to an angel, she took her life on Aug 14th, 2012 due to Postpartum depression.

Though she had displayed all the symptoms of PPD, her family and people in her close circle could not recognize it due to the lack of awareness about PPD. She writhed. She cried. She was desperate. She was hopeless.

Post her death, her husband has started this awareness day campaign to help others avoid the trauma he and his beloved went through.

Sreerenjini's death shook my conscious.

I realized - How much we under estimate the effect of PPD. How PPD affected people are taken for granted though they are in their most vulnerable phase of life. How, unless someone goes through it, cannot empathize with these people. How strong is the stigma attached to this topic.

This realization inspired me to start a campaign in FB.

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Post-Delivery-Depression-Anxiety/429340563849717

 

The objective is to increase the awareness about this in our society and reachout to those in need and their families. The idea is to break the wrong notions that people have towards the women going through this. There is nothing to be ashamed of PPD. Seek help and provide help is the motto.

Please do like this page and be part of this social clause.
You may even save a life by doing so.

Let us ensure that there are no more victims like Sreerenjini - a flower crushed even before it blosommed!

I miss you Sreerenjini - in a strange way!

 

Notes to myself

All I wish for is….

A rainbow when it rains,

A bird humming when the sun shines.
A clear night sky full of stars,
A nice breeze when the world stands still.

A help without expectation,

A tight hug when the life gets tough.
A warm smile when I am lost,
A soothing word when nothing goes right.

An inner voice which shows me the way,

A faith in me when everything fails my way.
An ability to bounce back when I am tired,
An attitude to say “live to love and love to live”.

Wishes are simple…yet many.

Which makes me wonder…

What makes me live and love this life?

 Of course!

The HOPE that these wishes will come true…

And the BELIEF that I am going to see it through!

U Know what - dialogues

A 3 year old boy is crying. Mother puts her index finger on her nose (gestures like in ”shame shame…”) and says “ayyaaeee…only girls cry. Don’t you know that?”

 

The trick worked. The boy stopped crying.

So, what’s wrong in this? The boy stopped crying. Right? So, what is the big deal?

The big deal is that, now, the boy believes that only girls cry!

Is it so?

I have a 3.5 year old son. I am still evolving as a mother and I know that it is a never ending journey. I don’t think there will be a time in my life when I would be able to say “ I am evolved as a mother.”

But, over the years in my journey as a mother, I have experienced (ended up with) and witnessed many such instances which has made me realize the damage created post the “dialogue” in the situation.

As parents, we may be “trapped” in to saying a dialogue due to a particular situation. But, it is important for us to ask ourselves “Really? Do I believe so?” immediately after giving an extremely opinionated dialogue which can form a stereotype or generalization belief, in the kid.

If the answer  to the above question to self is “yes”, then it may be the time for us to realize our own stereotypes/generalization believes and their genesis based on our own experiences. Sometimes, we may be even surprised to realize that we have certain stereotypes/generalization believes which we had never thought of before.

In such situations, the most important point is to let the kid know about the repercussions of a “bad” behavior instead of telling him/her, that only a certain set of kids/community will behave badly.

Few more classic examples that I have come across are:

1)      Boys need to be strong (Girls need not be strong?)

2)      Girls don’t play with guns/Boys don’t play with soft toys (?)

3)      Pink for girls and blue for boys (By the way, who decided these colors? - That reminds me; I need to google to find out!)

4)      As a girl, you need to learn to cook and to clean the house. (age old dialogue)

5)      Beggars are lazy. That’s why they are begging (what message is the parent trying to drive?)

6)      Young generation is impatient. You want everything immediately.

7)      Your classmate XYZ is rich. So, she/he can afford to be lazy.

8)      People from this community/region/country are very cunning. ( a mom telling her friends and her kid listening)

So, next time, when we end up saying "U know what" dialogues,  "U know how" to mitigate the damage!

Happy Parenting!

 

An angel in disguise

I was lost in thoughts when suddenly someone shook my hands, in the bus stop.

 

It was a little girl. Definitely not more than 8 yrs old.

 

Dark complexion. Brown eyes. She was wearing a white turned mild brown (due to dust and dirt) shirt.  And a completely mismatching pink long skirt.

 

The Shirt & the skirt had one common feature – both were torn at many places. Her hair was wild, rough and all over the place. It looked as if, her hair has not been combed or applied oil for ages.

 

Shaking my hands she said – “Give me some money, akka” (Akka means– Sister)

 

I asked -  “Ok. If I give you money, what will you do with that?”

 

She didn’t expect that question. She hesitated. “Hmmmm….”.

 

She took few more seconds to respond. “I will do something…”- She responded in a very innocent tone.

 

I said – “Do something good. Ok?”

 

She gave a side glance to another little boy (who looked like her big brother) who stood few meters away from us.

 

Then she said in a serious tone “But, I will not give it to him!”

 

I said “ I don’t know why you will not give it to him. But, it is up to you!”

 

And I handed over a 20 rupees note to her.

 

Her eyes widened. I saw a flash of smile. Few teethes were missing. But, it was a beautiful smile. And suddenly her face was glowing.

 

She swiftly took the money from my hand. Walked towards her brother. Like a ramp walk! J

She showed that money to him in a “Rajini” style.

She giggled. She jumped. She danced.

 

I couldn’t stop my smile seeing her joy. I was very curious to see, what is she up to. So, I kept watching her.

 

Then, she turned like a stylish model and walked towards the small grocery shop next to her (continuing her ramp walk style!)

 

After entering the small shop, she offered her recently acquired “asset” to the shop keeper and “ordered” -

 

“…..GIVE ME ONE PEPSI”

 

Pepsi???!!!! Wow! – I was pleasantly surprised.

 

Her dramatics didn’t stop there. She took the bottle from the shop and came back and sat near her brother.

 

May be she felt, that sitting posture was not dramatic enough. She changed it. She sat cross-legged and looked as if she was about negotiate a deal with Barack Obama. (Reminded me of “Rajini” in “Padayappa” (tamil) movie's super popular scene!)

 

And gulped that Pepsi at one go! Her brother gave her a “I don’t care. Are you nuts?” look.

 

But, she was in her own world. It was just her and her Pepsi. Nothing else in between!

 

That day, I realized the real meaning of the phrase - “made my day”.

 

Yeah! She made my day!