Sense of anger!

Yes...you heard it right! Haven't you heard of sense of humor?  Something like that!

Daniel Goleman starts his book “Emotional Intelligence” by quoting Aristotle - "Anybody can become angry - that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose and in the right way - that is not within everybody's power and is not easy".

I have always been awed by this statement, not just for the powerful message it doles out but also the way it seeks to mock our ‘sense of anger’.

Reading & learning is one thing; witnessing someone who lives by this quote and learning through that experience is completely a different thing!

In 2003, when I was working as a credit card sales person in the banking industry, I had to go and meet people - entrepreneurs, salaried employees & corporates to sell the cards.

Once, I had the opportunity to meet a middle aged women entrepreneur to sell the card. She was in her mid 40s. A very well dressed, well spoken, educated female who was successfully running her own family business.

It was a successful sales call. She agreed to buy the card. I got her signature on the required documents. I had to get the photocopy of her PAN card as a proof document. As she didn't have a copy, I offered to help her in getting the photocopy of the document. (I really wanted to close this sales call, on the same day).

It took me 10 minutes by walk to reach the nearby shop to photocopy the document. I got the document photocopied, paid the shopkeeper, collected the documents and started walking back to her office. As I was about to reach her office, I quickly checked the documents to ensure that everything is intact.

To my shock/surprise I couldn't find the original copy of her PAN card. I stopped immediately and checked the documents again. Nope! The original PAN card wasn't there. I was in a complete state of panic.

I rushed to the shop to check whether I have misplaced the card there. The shopkeeper searched everywhere possible and confirmed that the card is not there.

I started looking for the card on the walk path. I turned every stone, I moved every sand, hoping to see the card somewhere on the path near the road!

I went back and forth that path - from her office to that shop at least 10 times. Yet, no trace of the card!

The fear started gripping me more and more - Oh God!  "I HAVE LOST HER PAN CARD"!

The sense of guilt and shame stopped me from going back to her office to meet her. I could not imagine the thought of looking in to her eyes and telling her that I have lost her card! I was hoping for a miracle to happen! A miracle,  that could save me from that moment of truth!

I waited on the road for 10 more minutes for the miracle to happen! Well...Nothing happened!

I was not sure whether I wanted to cry first or hit myself first.

So, I decided to go back to her office! Did I have a choice?

I reached her office. My heart started beating faster as I approached her. She looked at me, smiled at me kindly; My heart melted! I felt more ashamed! I felt more scared!

I told her. I didn't explain what happened, how it happened. I just told her! For a minute, she didn't react. I waited for what was to come next.

Then she smiled at me and said "Hmmm...I am thinking, what needs to be done now to apply for a new card. I know that you wouldn't have done intentionally. I also know that you are feeling really bad about it already. The least I want to do is to make you feel even worse!"

What??? Did she really react the way she just did? I couldn't stop myself from asking (thanks to the nagging guilt and the thought that "I definitely deserve a punishment!")

Me - "Are you not angry with me? Don't you feel like shouting at me?"

She continued to look at me with a smile and asked - "Will it help me in getting my lost card?"

Me (my eyes opened as wide as possible) - "How is it even possible for you to react like this?"

Graciously - She answered "I ask myself - What is my intention when I express my anger? Is it to make the other person feel bad? Is it to make the other person realize that his/her actions are wrong? Is it to solve the issue I have now? In this case, you are already feeling bad and you know that what you did was not correct, so, I am directly focusing on the issue! Trust me - in most of the cases, the other person involved in the issue would have already realized the mistake and felt the guilt. So, all I have to do is focus on the solution!"

Wow! Thank you ma'm for teaching me the lesson of my life.