My TEDx journey

As I walked on to that circled red carpet that day, the voice of my 6th standard class teacher echoed in my memories..

"Your daughter is going to be a big failure. She doesn't know to talk in English. We are going to lose 100% pass rate in 10th standard in our school due to her. I can guarantee that she is going to fail in English and embarrass all of us". These were the words which she told my mom when my mom and I went to meet her to get the progress report on that day.

It may sound like a scene from "English Vinglish" movie (an Indian Hindi movie). But, sometimes, truth can be stranger (and weirder) than fiction.

English & I share an interesting past. I remember how I got stuck in a conversation and got petrified when a group of students from editorial team from REC college, Calicut (Kerala, India)came to interview me, as part of the "Ragam" cultural fest when my team was selected as the "performers of the day". I was ashamed and embarrassed of my inability to talk in English in spite of studying in an English medium school. And yes, by this time, I was in my 2nd year of graduation.

This moment of truth was one of the life changing experiences in my life. It triggered a vengeance within me to race with this language.

My purpose had always been to just learn and not be in any competition with anyone. I believe that there is something to learn from everyone around me. And others have never failed to amaze me in the way they have helped me learn from their own actions and words.

In 2011, when I watched a TED talk for the first time, it shook me. It made me think. More importantly it pushed me to add a new dream in my dream list. Some day...before I die, I wanted to give a TEDx talk. I made it a point to watch one TED/TEDx talk every week. And the more I watched, the more vivid my dream became.

And when I finally got to stand on that stage with an adrenaline rush, a super fast heart beat and a strong need to pass my intention on to the world, the reality was very different from what I had fantasized it to be.

Everything that could go wrong went wrong that day. The visual aid facility didn't work. I could not use the PPT I wanted to use. The mic had a loose connection. Suddenly some video started playing at the background as I was talking.

In between all these chaos, there I was, to realize the biggest dream of my life.

As I went about the talk, I learnt to live with the reality. I learnt to move away from my fantasy. Above all, I allowed myself to feel the happiness for the blessing I have been showered with.

And my biggest learning has been to accept myself and allow myself to show the world who I am, the way I am with all my flaws and perfections, with all my vulnerabilities and strengths, with all my failures and success.

Now, I have come to believe, every imperfection in my life has something deeper to offer me. And I embrace that offering with humility and pride.

Thank you life. I celebrate you. Always.

And here is the link for you to watch me living my biggest dream :) Happy watching!

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iet_FO5Lg1o&t=118s

Is that it?

An eternal bliss,

A never ending search,

A moment of truth,

A painful teacher,

A whip of love,

An act of kindness,

A series of miracles,

A touch of madness,

A haunting nightmare,

A whispering wind,

An echo of laughter,

A sense of boredom,

A pinch of hope,

A lot of sin,

A fear of unknown,

Yet, a fear of known…

Do I call you an angel or a devil?

To limit you within these two

Would be to limit thee within…

So, I leave you with the wisdom earned…wildness untouched…

And call you,

Life!

What are you waiting for?

I am waiting...

To count my blessings

To feel alive

To soar high

To see the magic.

As I am waiting...

As I am withering...

As I am cursing...

As I am losing...

Why don't I see...

Birds waiting to sing 

Grass waiting to soothe 

Flowers waiting to blossom

Dew drops waiting to splutter

Rainbow waiting to spread

Sun waiting to shine

Stars waiting to twinkle

Waves waiting to roll

Trees waiting to swing

Breeze waiting to hum

All for me...

Just for me.

I am blessed.
I am soaring high.
I am feeling alive.
I am....being me. Just me.

I started by looking at the mystery

But ended up seeing the magic! 

A blog on "You know what" topic

Aaah. I had to do that trick to bring you to this blog.

You will understand...why!

When one of the "developed" nations recently announced the good news on the same sax marriage, the hell broke loose.

The debates and discussions in "developing" nations went on and on.

I was part of a coffee table debate on this when the question popped up:

"If your son becomes a gay, will you debate in the same spirit"?

I responded - " If my son becomes a gay, will he stop being my son? NO. Will I be taken aback? Yes. But after my initial moments of truth I will gracefully recover and hug my son and say...I still love him and I am proud to be his mom. And oh yes...the spirit will be much more and fierce then as I would be talking about something which affects me personally"

And this exchange of words made me think.

Being a woman of 30+ from a middle class back ground who is straight in orientation, one thing I can say is, I don't need to be rich, young or a member of LGBT to empathize with LGBT fellows.

But I just need to:

be a human being.
believe in live and let live.
be compassionate towards fellow living (human) beings.
be willing to hear the problems and pains of the people who are different from me.
digest that people will have different perspectives. But to make my perspective heard, I don't need to put down some one else's perspective.
realize happiness is everybody's right.
know the difference between non-supporting and insulting. (I can choose not to support. But, it doesn't give me the right to insult any community)
see love as love
know that it is ok if I can't make some one's life easier. But, it is not ok to make some one's life difficult.


And oh yes, if ever comes a time when I get to know my son is a gay, I will tell him....

"Lets celebrate"...

Celebrate the magic of life!













 

Thank God! I am not a celebrity!

Nope. Its not triggered by sour grape feeling!

I really meant it.

I think women celebrities in our country are very unfortunate.  Why?

Because, in the online world, they get celebrated one minute and get virtually molested the next minute. Sometimes, by so many men at the same time. They don't get to share their photos or art work without getting abused (at least once). They can't joke without escaping from someone branding them selfish. They can't express their thoughts/opinions on social media without a comment from "I have a mobile. I have an online account. I follow you. So let me abuse you" category. They can't be human. They can't make mistakes. They can't celebrate their success. They can't be like you and me!

Thanks to FB & Twitter.

In the last couple of months, I got to witness certain such online experiences that some of our very talented women celebrities have encountered. These experiences have really made me wonder about the sensitivity and sensibility of the living generations! Yes, I said generations. From 15 year old boy to 70 year old man. Surprise! I can see all these abuses mostly from mars citizens! (Where art thou, Venusians?).

Don't get me wrong. The intention is not to blame one gender. But, to highlight the pattern that, such abuses seem to be primarily coming from the common man (men)!

So, who is this common man? If you look at their profiles, they are as normal as a normal person can be! They are someone's husband, brother, son, father, making a livelihood through some business. They love to visit celebrity profiles and leave their "mark" on that page. Well, what else did I expect them to be? Sigh!

This makes me wonder aloud, where, as a society are we going wrong? How do the men in our society end up with a thought that, they can abuse a celebrity online, the way they want and get away with it? What sheer pleasure are they getting by this "peek-a-boo" fantasy bullying? Does this make them feel empowered as "men"? Is that the psychological trigger behind those loose comments and idiotic one liners? Or is it coming from a space of jealousy with regard to the talent, money and the inferiority complex around it?

Well...

I can only wonder as I have neither answers nor solutions to this "not making sense" behavior of the fellow human beings.

Meanwhile....

I take a bow, ladies - for your talent, courage, wisdom to focus on positivity, ability to spread that wisdom and thriving to be successful and confident in this "maya" called celebrity worship!


PS - Thank God! I am not a celebrity!








 

Grey hair? - Ohhhh! Poor you!

Disclaimer: All the incidents mentioned here are purely incidental. Any resemblance to you or your dialogues or situations is purely co-incidental!

You can completely empathize with me if you have heard the following dialogues from some good soul in your circle at least once...

"Oh no! Grey hair?? You are sooooo young!!"
"Oh no! Why don't you colour it?"
"Poor you! in few years...you may look very old. why don't you try something?
"So many grey hairs? What are you doing about it?"
"I think you are stressed. Hence, so many grey hairs!"
"Try this oil..."
"Apply mehendi"
"Check with a doctor"

The never ending concern around the attack of the monster called "grey hair" never fails to amaze me. Especially when I am least concerned about it! (btw I am the one attacked by THE monster here!)

While I enjoy the attention I get, I do contemplate internally whether to respond or not.

Should I explain, why I have grey hair? (I swear, I am as clueless as you. But I can cook it up!)
Should I explain, why I am not concerned about it? (Oh God...what if they don't get convinced?")
Should I explain, why I am comfortable with not trying anything? (Well...how can I say that without trying anything? I should have been uncomfortable sometime by trying it to say I am comfortable with not trying it!)....sigh!!

So, here I go at the end of the contemplation - explaining the answers for all the above questions, to my well-wisher(s)! (each and everytime!)

In the last couple of months, I have gone through this vicious cycle of being noticed for the monstrous attack which has made me wonder...

To have or not to have!

PS: Poor me!
PPS: "To have or not to have" seems to be as intense as "To be or not to be"
PPS: Color of hair is the only thing we can choose #justsaying!





 

Shame, shame, puppy shame!

I remember how we used to cringe in our childhood days when some peers used to sing this "shame" song standing around us, in those rare occasions of  certain "slipping" from our side. And we would have been part of that singing band at some point to bestow the shamefulness on some poor soul around us.

Have we ever let go of this habit?

While it may seem like from outside.. unfortunately as "educated" and "civilized" grown up adults, we still carry this song and sing it. Well..in our head!

As a practitioner of psychotherapy, I get to hear this "song in the head"  of others more often.

In our society, while we may treat every "body related illness" from fever to cancer as it is, why do we struggle to acknowledge the illness called mental illness as it is?

Is it due to the lack of education around what causes mental illness?

No.

It is our lack of readiness to get educated.
It is the immovable stigma that we attach to this illness.

It is absolutely possible for someone's brain or mind to get wounded the way our hands and legs get hurt!

Unfortunately, the societies "illness" called stigma, causes more damage to the affected person and the people around.

Remember, no ones wants to live with depression. Everyone wants to have a happy and successful life and they deserve it.

Hence, we could make this place a much better place to live for our fellow human beings, if we could remember:

- Mental illness is not the "person's" fault (they don't want it either!)
- People who have mental illness are not "weak" in character
- They definitely deserve unconditional love and support.
- Hiding their illness from the society is not the "solution" to cure it.
- All those people who approach counselors and therapists need not be branded as "mentally ill"
- Judging the people with mental illness without proper knowledge about the illness is the worst damage that can happen to them.

In the current era of over-flowing information, let us make use of the technology and human network to increase our awareness about what we don't know...especially related to mental illness!


How about starting this awareness by getting rid of the "song in our head"??

Shame, shame, puppy shame...