Thank God! I am not a celebrity!

Nope. Its not triggered by sour grape feeling!

I really meant it.

I think women celebrities in our country are very unfortunate.  Why?

Because, in the online world, they get celebrated one minute and get virtually molested the next minute. Sometimes, by so many men at the same time. They don't get to share their photos or art work without getting abused (at least once). They can't joke without escaping from someone branding them selfish. They can't express their thoughts/opinions on social media without a comment from "I have a mobile. I have an online account. I follow you. So let me abuse you" category. They can't be human. They can't make mistakes. They can't celebrate their success. They can't be like you and me!

Thanks to FB & Twitter.

In the last couple of months, I got to witness certain such online experiences that some of our very talented women celebrities have encountered. These experiences have really made me wonder about the sensitivity and sensibility of the living generations! Yes, I said generations. From 15 year old boy to 70 year old man. Surprise! I can see all these abuses mostly from mars citizens! (Where art thou, Venusians?).

Don't get me wrong. The intention is not to blame one gender. But, to highlight the pattern that, such abuses seem to be primarily coming from the common man (men)!

So, who is this common man? If you look at their profiles, they are as normal as a normal person can be! They are someone's husband, brother, son, father, making a livelihood through some business. They love to visit celebrity profiles and leave their "mark" on that page. Well, what else did I expect them to be? Sigh!

This makes me wonder aloud, where, as a society are we going wrong? How do the men in our society end up with a thought that, they can abuse a celebrity online, the way they want and get away with it? What sheer pleasure are they getting by this "peek-a-boo" fantasy bullying? Does this make them feel empowered as "men"? Is that the psychological trigger behind those loose comments and idiotic one liners? Or is it coming from a space of jealousy with regard to the talent, money and the inferiority complex around it?

Well...

I can only wonder as I have neither answers nor solutions to this "not making sense" behavior of the fellow human beings.

Meanwhile....

I take a bow, ladies - for your talent, courage, wisdom to focus on positivity, ability to spread that wisdom and thriving to be successful and confident in this "maya" called celebrity worship!


PS - Thank God! I am not a celebrity!








 

Grey hair? - Ohhhh! Poor you!

Disclaimer: All the incidents mentioned here are purely incidental. Any resemblance to you or your dialogues or situations is purely co-incidental!

You can completely empathize with me if you have heard the following dialogues from some good soul in your circle at least once...

"Oh no! Grey hair?? You are sooooo young!!"
"Oh no! Why don't you colour it?"
"Poor you! in few years...you may look very old. why don't you try something?
"So many grey hairs? What are you doing about it?"
"I think you are stressed. Hence, so many grey hairs!"
"Try this oil..."
"Apply mehendi"
"Check with a doctor"

The never ending concern around the attack of the monster called "grey hair" never fails to amaze me. Especially when I am least concerned about it! (btw I am the one attacked by THE monster here!)

While I enjoy the attention I get, I do contemplate internally whether to respond or not.

Should I explain, why I have grey hair? (I swear, I am as clueless as you. But I can cook it up!)
Should I explain, why I am not concerned about it? (Oh God...what if they don't get convinced?")
Should I explain, why I am comfortable with not trying anything? (Well...how can I say that without trying anything? I should have been uncomfortable sometime by trying it to say I am comfortable with not trying it!)....sigh!!

So, here I go at the end of the contemplation - explaining the answers for all the above questions, to my well-wisher(s)! (each and everytime!)

In the last couple of months, I have gone through this vicious cycle of being noticed for the monstrous attack which has made me wonder...

To have or not to have!

PS: Poor me!
PPS: "To have or not to have" seems to be as intense as "To be or not to be"
PPS: Color of hair is the only thing we can choose #justsaying!





 

Shame, shame, puppy shame!

I remember how we used to cringe in our childhood days when some peers used to sing this "shame" song standing around us, in those rare occasions of  certain "slipping" from our side. And we would have been part of that singing band at some point to bestow the shamefulness on some poor soul around us.

Have we ever let go of this habit?

While it may seem like from outside.. unfortunately as "educated" and "civilized" grown up adults, we still carry this song and sing it. Well..in our head!

As a practitioner of psychotherapy, I get to hear this "song in the head"  of others more often.

In our society, while we may treat every "body related illness" from fever to cancer as it is, why do we struggle to acknowledge the illness called mental illness as it is?

Is it due to the lack of education around what causes mental illness?

No.

It is our lack of readiness to get educated.
It is the immovable stigma that we attach to this illness.

It is absolutely possible for someone's brain or mind to get wounded the way our hands and legs get hurt!

Unfortunately, the societies "illness" called stigma, causes more damage to the affected person and the people around.

Remember, no ones wants to live with depression. Everyone wants to have a happy and successful life and they deserve it.

Hence, we could make this place a much better place to live for our fellow human beings, if we could remember:

- Mental illness is not the "person's" fault (they don't want it either!)
- People who have mental illness are not "weak" in character
- They definitely deserve unconditional love and support.
- Hiding their illness from the society is not the "solution" to cure it.
- All those people who approach counselors and therapists need not be branded as "mentally ill"
- Judging the people with mental illness without proper knowledge about the illness is the worst damage that can happen to them.

In the current era of over-flowing information, let us make use of the technology and human network to increase our awareness about what we don't know...especially related to mental illness!


How about starting this awareness by getting rid of the "song in our head"??

Shame, shame, puppy shame...















 

Let us compete...

To be kind,
To be compassionate,
To love more,
To give more.

To seek knowledge,
To share wisdom,
To stop the war,
To bring in peace.

To forget the evil,
To forgive the devil,
To let go the sorrow,
To welcome the smile.

To create hope,
To spread the joy,
To earn respect,
To embrace self.

To make this world a better place...
To live,
To grow,
To compete
To make the humans, best of the race!



 

My one night stand!

Love; A magical feeling which has the power to make, break and transform the living beings.

Yes. I love to love.
But...I have never experienced the so called "love at first sight".

…..Until yesterday.

There are some moments in our lives which make us smile or cry in an intense way whenever we visit those memories. And there are some, which make us wonder...

Well...I went through an experience which made me love, laugh, cry and wonder, all at the same time! At the end of it I was moved beyond I can express.

Yesterday, I was on my way back to Bangalore after a short vacation with my family.

As we stopped our car near a gas station, we saw a man dropping a puppy on the NH (National Highway) road and getting in to a car in a hurried way. Without wasting a second, the car moved on.

To our shock, the puppy ran behind the moving car as fast as and as far as, it could.

Then it stopped. Right on the middle of the road.

As it struggled to cross or come back to the side of the road, many speeding vehicles had to put sudden break to avoid hitting this little scared fellow.

As we couldn’t bear this sight, we decided to go and put him back to a safe place somewhere nearby that road.We went with some biscuits to cajole it to walk towards a safe path.

As I approached it, I noticed its features. With beautiful silky brown haired skin, scared big black eyes, perfect sharp teeth & long nails, small but soft tail, this brown beauty looked so adorable.

It seemed too scared to notice any food we were giving. It just came running behind us as we started moving towards our car.

For a moment, I wondered…what next?

That’s when I heard my 5 year old son’s confident voice “Amma, just pick it up. I think you can do it”

Well...“I was shit scared”; would be an understatement. (underer? underest statement?)

Flashback : I have always been afraid of animals, especially dogs! (Thanks to a childhood memory of a dog chasing me and me running for my life J). Wherever & whenever I see a dog around me, I freeze. My family of origin loathed dogs. My current family has seen dogs on the streets, neighborhood and movies. Period.

Summary - I do not have a clue on how to lift a dog, what to feed it, how to confirm its gender (not joking!), how to escape from a bite and more importantly, how not to freeze when a dog is around.

So, when I heard my son’s voice, I didn’t know what to do. I realized that the more I stand there and think, the more I am going to get scared (as if a scared puppy is not enough in this scene!)

I lifted it, settled down in our car and we continued our journey.

Needless to say, I had severe palpitations every time it moved on my lap or it yawned (Mind you, I was still learning that puppies have the right to show their teeth even when they are not biting)

Meanwhile, I got in touch with Smita, a friend of mine whom I know loves animals unconditionally and cares for them compassionately. She confirmed the availability of the space for this puppy in a shelter home. The only problem was, it was too far for us to drop it on the same day as we were still on our way back to Bangalore. So, we decided to let the puppy stay with us last night.

When we reached home, to say the least, what followed was a circus. A circus with one puppy and 3 ring masters (me, my hubby and our son) who didn't have a clue of what to do with the puppy.

As a mother, I could sense it naturally when Fluffy (name courtesy : our son) was scared or hungry. So, I decided to be with Fluffy and do a "mom-baby" conversation at night to put him to sleep. And it so happened, Fluffy and I had a beautiful night together getting to know each other better (Thanks to all the tips from my friends through whats app on "how to handle a 2 months old puppy?")

Fluffy slept on my lap and refused to get down till morning(ahem...ahem..I refused to put it down). I started admiring its grace every minute move.

To my surprise, by the time we handed over Fluffy to the CARE shelter's staff, I had developed a deep emotional connection with Fluffy...a connection which I can't express, emote or explain.

Fluffy's scared face, Smita's excellent support, CARE shelter centre's compassionate service, family circus, my "mom-baby" bonding time with Fluffy, my son's laughter whenever I jumped on to a chair to avoid getting "frozen", last few minutes with Fluffy before handing it over, my last kiss to Fluffy...

Must say, the whole experience had been an emotional roller coaster...

Fluffy's love has transformed me. And it happened in one night.

I still wonder.....

Is Fluffy a girl or a boy?

 

 

Power of E

Well...

Let me start by putting things in to perspective - I am a humanist and not a feminist.

Now...over to my latest experience.

I was recently invited as a guest speaker on women's day to address women Chartered Accountants in Karnataka.

The topic I was supposed to talk was "Empowering self for multi-tasking".

Prior to the event, I was preparing the speech at home.

That's when my husband causally asked me : "So, what is the topic?"

I said - "Empowering self for multi-tasking".

He said : "Why empowering? Why not enabling?"

I thought to myself : "Yeah...why not enabling?"

This conversation really made me think.

Though "enabling" is a synonym in the MS word & outlook for "empowering", I did think that it makes more sense to use "enabling" instead of "empowering".

During the event, I started my speech by setting this as the context and spoke about ensuring the support system (personal & professional) by leveraging our ability to communicate, prioritizing by saying no wherever applicable, setting short term & long term goals by identifying our strengths and learning & unlearning by letting it go.

I have been fortunate enough to witness quite a number of successful women in my life - ranging from a go-getter leader with an ability to command respect across the hierarchy in an organization to a photojournalist fighting for the sexual rights of the minority group like trans genders; from an entrepreneur who is successfully running her theatre group to a born orator who shines as a mother/ TV journalist/ party planner; from a single mother who stood up for her believes while bringing up her kids to an extremely positive home maker who can make CEOs run for their money!

When I awe at all these women around me and ask myself....so, how did they make it happen?

The answer I get is...

They just believed they are Empowered. This Enabled them to chase their dreams!









 

My Dearest Sakhi

Sustainability, Global warming, Climate change, Plastic usage, Save water, Save trees....

Like many of you, I also literally switch off my listening mode (and brain) when these words  are used in a conversation that I am part of. Mind you, not that i don't understand. I just don't care!

Well...didn't care.

Till this morning.

The theatre group I am part of were invited to perform a street play, as part of the "Bangalore Tree Festival". As a part of the practice for the play, there were loads of discussions around the repercussions of using plastic, ill-effects of cutting down the trees, what should we do to handle these, how do we go about it...so on and so forth.

The entire theatre experience had planted a strong seed of thought in me - about the way I am taking all these for granted. There were many questions in me that I was not yet willing to address.

But, the thought reached its peak, shook my conscious and made me shrink in shame today, when...

...I got to hug a tree!

As part of an on the spot dance workshop, the participants were asked to hug a tree for 3 minutes.

I laughed when I heard it first.
I approached a tree thinking - "I am definitely going to look silly!"

Well..

Those 3 minutes turned out to be one of the most beautiful moments of my life!
Something in me changed in those 3 minutes...

I felt as if that tree accommodated me so well, in spite of its texture, shape and size.
I felt as if I was taken in to the arms of someone who was determined to protect me for my life.
I felt as if that tree was the most selfless human being, I have ever come across.
I felt as if I am safe in those arms and branches.
I felt as if I am loved unconditionally by a stranger.

I also felt ashamed. Bad. Angry. Sad.

To my surprise, I didn't feel like parting that tree! I didn't feel silly about hugging a tree anymore!

Then, I had to give the tree a name, as part of the workshop.
I chose Sakhi, an eternal friend - considering all her attributes.

My dearest Sakhi - you are still haunting me...

The question in me still remains - What have I done to deserve you?