My TEDx journey

As I walked on to that circled red carpet that day, the voice of my 6th standard class teacher echoed in my memories..

"Your daughter is going to be a big failure. She doesn't know to talk in English. We are going to lose 100% pass rate in 10th standard in our school due to her. I can guarantee that she is going to fail in English and embarrass all of us". These were the words which she told my mom when my mom and I went to meet her to get the progress report on that day.

It may sound like a scene from "English Vinglish" movie (an Indian Hindi movie). But, sometimes, truth can be stranger (and weirder) than fiction.

English & I share an interesting past. I remember how I got stuck in a conversation and got petrified when a group of students from editorial team from REC college, Calicut (Kerala, India)came to interview me, as part of the "Ragam" cultural fest when my team was selected as the "performers of the day". I was ashamed and embarrassed of my inability to talk in English in spite of studying in an English medium school. And yes, by this time, I was in my 2nd year of graduation.

This moment of truth was one of the life changing experiences in my life. It triggered a vengeance within me to race with this language.

My purpose had always been to just learn and not be in any competition with anyone. I believe that there is something to learn from everyone around me. And others have never failed to amaze me in the way they have helped me learn from their own actions and words.

In 2011, when I watched a TED talk for the first time, it shook me. It made me think. More importantly it pushed me to add a new dream in my dream list. Some day...before I die, I wanted to give a TEDx talk. I made it a point to watch one TED/TEDx talk every week. And the more I watched, the more vivid my dream became.

And when I finally got to stand on that stage with an adrenaline rush, a super fast heart beat and a strong need to pass my intention on to the world, the reality was very different from what I had fantasized it to be.

Everything that could go wrong went wrong that day. The visual aid facility didn't work. I could not use the PPT I wanted to use. The mic had a loose connection. Suddenly some video started playing at the background as I was talking.

In between all these chaos, there I was, to realize the biggest dream of my life.

As I went about the talk, I learnt to live with the reality. I learnt to move away from my fantasy. Above all, I allowed myself to feel the happiness for the blessing I have been showered with.

And my biggest learning has been to accept myself and allow myself to show the world who I am, the way I am with all my flaws and perfections, with all my vulnerabilities and strengths, with all my failures and success.

Now, I have come to believe, every imperfection in my life has something deeper to offer me. And I embrace that offering with humility and pride.

Thank you life. I celebrate you. Always.

And here is the link for you to watch me living my biggest dream :) Happy watching!

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iet_FO5Lg1o&t=118s

Is that it?

An eternal bliss,

A never ending search,

A moment of truth,

A painful teacher,

A whip of love,

An act of kindness,

A series of miracles,

A touch of madness,

A haunting nightmare,

A whispering wind,

An echo of laughter,

A sense of boredom,

A pinch of hope,

A lot of sin,

A fear of unknown,

Yet, a fear of known…

Do I call you an angel or a devil?

To limit you within these two

Would be to limit thee within…

So, I leave you with the wisdom earned…wildness untouched…

And call you,

Life!

What are you waiting for?

I am waiting...

To count my blessings

To feel alive

To soar high

To see the magic.

As I am waiting...

As I am withering...

As I am cursing...

As I am losing...

Why don't I see...

Birds waiting to sing 

Grass waiting to soothe 

Flowers waiting to blossom

Dew drops waiting to splutter

Rainbow waiting to spread

Sun waiting to shine

Stars waiting to twinkle

Waves waiting to roll

Trees waiting to swing

Breeze waiting to hum

All for me...

Just for me.

I am blessed.
I am soaring high.
I am feeling alive.
I am....being me. Just me.

I started by looking at the mystery

But ended up seeing the magic! 

A blog on "You know what" topic

Aaah. I had to do that trick to bring you to this blog.

You will understand...why!

When one of the "developed" nations recently announced the good news on the same sax marriage, the hell broke loose.

The debates and discussions in "developing" nations went on and on.

I was part of a coffee table debate on this when the question popped up:

"If your son becomes a gay, will you debate in the same spirit"?

I responded - " If my son becomes a gay, will he stop being my son? NO. Will I be taken aback? Yes. But after my initial moments of truth I will gracefully recover and hug my son and say...I still love him and I am proud to be his mom. And oh yes...the spirit will be much more and fierce then as I would be talking about something which affects me personally"

And this exchange of words made me think.

Being a woman of 30+ from a middle class back ground who is straight in orientation, one thing I can say is, I don't need to be rich, young or a member of LGBT to empathize with LGBT fellows.

But I just need to:

be a human being.
believe in live and let live.
be compassionate towards fellow living (human) beings.
be willing to hear the problems and pains of the people who are different from me.
digest that people will have different perspectives. But to make my perspective heard, I don't need to put down some one else's perspective.
realize happiness is everybody's right.
know the difference between non-supporting and insulting. (I can choose not to support. But, it doesn't give me the right to insult any community)
see love as love
know that it is ok if I can't make some one's life easier. But, it is not ok to make some one's life difficult.


And oh yes, if ever comes a time when I get to know my son is a gay, I will tell him....

"Lets celebrate"...

Celebrate the magic of life!













 

Thank God! I am not a celebrity!

Nope. Its not triggered by sour grape feeling!

I really meant it.

I think women celebrities in our country are very unfortunate.  Why?

Because, in the online world, they get celebrated one minute and get virtually molested the next minute. Sometimes, by so many men at the same time. They don't get to share their photos or art work without getting abused (at least once). They can't joke without escaping from someone branding them selfish. They can't express their thoughts/opinions on social media without a comment from "I have a mobile. I have an online account. I follow you. So let me abuse you" category. They can't be human. They can't make mistakes. They can't celebrate their success. They can't be like you and me!

Thanks to FB & Twitter.

In the last couple of months, I got to witness certain such online experiences that some of our very talented women celebrities have encountered. These experiences have really made me wonder about the sensitivity and sensibility of the living generations! Yes, I said generations. From 15 year old boy to 70 year old man. Surprise! I can see all these abuses mostly from mars citizens! (Where art thou, Venusians?).

Don't get me wrong. The intention is not to blame one gender. But, to highlight the pattern that, such abuses seem to be primarily coming from the common man (men)!

So, who is this common man? If you look at their profiles, they are as normal as a normal person can be! They are someone's husband, brother, son, father, making a livelihood through some business. They love to visit celebrity profiles and leave their "mark" on that page. Well, what else did I expect them to be? Sigh!

This makes me wonder aloud, where, as a society are we going wrong? How do the men in our society end up with a thought that, they can abuse a celebrity online, the way they want and get away with it? What sheer pleasure are they getting by this "peek-a-boo" fantasy bullying? Does this make them feel empowered as "men"? Is that the psychological trigger behind those loose comments and idiotic one liners? Or is it coming from a space of jealousy with regard to the talent, money and the inferiority complex around it?

Well...

I can only wonder as I have neither answers nor solutions to this "not making sense" behavior of the fellow human beings.

Meanwhile....

I take a bow, ladies - for your talent, courage, wisdom to focus on positivity, ability to spread that wisdom and thriving to be successful and confident in this "maya" called celebrity worship!


PS - Thank God! I am not a celebrity!








 

Grey hair? - Ohhhh! Poor you!

Disclaimer: All the incidents mentioned here are purely incidental. Any resemblance to you or your dialogues or situations is purely co-incidental!

You can completely empathize with me if you have heard the following dialogues from some good soul in your circle at least once...

"Oh no! Grey hair?? You are sooooo young!!"
"Oh no! Why don't you colour it?"
"Poor you! in few years...you may look very old. why don't you try something?
"So many grey hairs? What are you doing about it?"
"I think you are stressed. Hence, so many grey hairs!"
"Try this oil..."
"Apply mehendi"
"Check with a doctor"

The never ending concern around the attack of the monster called "grey hair" never fails to amaze me. Especially when I am least concerned about it! (btw I am the one attacked by THE monster here!)

While I enjoy the attention I get, I do contemplate internally whether to respond or not.

Should I explain, why I have grey hair? (I swear, I am as clueless as you. But I can cook it up!)
Should I explain, why I am not concerned about it? (Oh God...what if they don't get convinced?")
Should I explain, why I am comfortable with not trying anything? (Well...how can I say that without trying anything? I should have been uncomfortable sometime by trying it to say I am comfortable with not trying it!)....sigh!!

So, here I go at the end of the contemplation - explaining the answers for all the above questions, to my well-wisher(s)! (each and everytime!)

In the last couple of months, I have gone through this vicious cycle of being noticed for the monstrous attack which has made me wonder...

To have or not to have!

PS: Poor me!
PPS: "To have or not to have" seems to be as intense as "To be or not to be"
PPS: Color of hair is the only thing we can choose #justsaying!





 

Shame, shame, puppy shame!

I remember how we used to cringe in our childhood days when some peers used to sing this "shame" song standing around us, in those rare occasions of  certain "slipping" from our side. And we would have been part of that singing band at some point to bestow the shamefulness on some poor soul around us.

Have we ever let go of this habit?

While it may seem like from outside.. unfortunately as "educated" and "civilized" grown up adults, we still carry this song and sing it. Well..in our head!

As a practitioner of psychotherapy, I get to hear this "song in the head"  of others more often.

In our society, while we may treat every "body related illness" from fever to cancer as it is, why do we struggle to acknowledge the illness called mental illness as it is?

Is it due to the lack of education around what causes mental illness?

No.

It is our lack of readiness to get educated.
It is the immovable stigma that we attach to this illness.

It is absolutely possible for someone's brain or mind to get wounded the way our hands and legs get hurt!

Unfortunately, the societies "illness" called stigma, causes more damage to the affected person and the people around.

Remember, no ones wants to live with depression. Everyone wants to have a happy and successful life and they deserve it.

Hence, we could make this place a much better place to live for our fellow human beings, if we could remember:

- Mental illness is not the "person's" fault (they don't want it either!)
- People who have mental illness are not "weak" in character
- They definitely deserve unconditional love and support.
- Hiding their illness from the society is not the "solution" to cure it.
- All those people who approach counselors and therapists need not be branded as "mentally ill"
- Judging the people with mental illness without proper knowledge about the illness is the worst damage that can happen to them.

In the current era of over-flowing information, let us make use of the technology and human network to increase our awareness about what we don't know...especially related to mental illness!


How about starting this awareness by getting rid of the "song in our head"??

Shame, shame, puppy shame...















 

Let us compete...

To be kind,
To be compassionate,
To love more,
To give more.

To seek knowledge,
To share wisdom,
To stop the war,
To bring in peace.

To forget the evil,
To forgive the devil,
To let go the sorrow,
To welcome the smile.

To create hope,
To spread the joy,
To earn respect,
To embrace self.

To make this world a better place...
To live,
To grow,
To compete
To make the humans, best of the race!



 

My one night stand!

Love; A magical feeling which has the power to make, break and transform the living beings.

Yes. I love to love.
But...I have never experienced the so called "love at first sight".

…..Until yesterday.

There are some moments in our lives which make us smile or cry in an intense way whenever we visit those memories. And there are some, which make us wonder...

Well...I went through an experience which made me love, laugh, cry and wonder, all at the same time! At the end of it I was moved beyond I can express.

Yesterday, I was on my way back to Bangalore after a short vacation with my family.

As we stopped our car near a gas station, we saw a man dropping a puppy on the NH (National Highway) road and getting in to a car in a hurried way. Without wasting a second, the car moved on.

To our shock, the puppy ran behind the moving car as fast as and as far as, it could.

Then it stopped. Right on the middle of the road.

As it struggled to cross or come back to the side of the road, many speeding vehicles had to put sudden break to avoid hitting this little scared fellow.

As we couldn’t bear this sight, we decided to go and put him back to a safe place somewhere nearby that road.We went with some biscuits to cajole it to walk towards a safe path.

As I approached it, I noticed its features. With beautiful silky brown haired skin, scared big black eyes, perfect sharp teeth & long nails, small but soft tail, this brown beauty looked so adorable.

It seemed too scared to notice any food we were giving. It just came running behind us as we started moving towards our car.

For a moment, I wondered…what next?

That’s when I heard my 5 year old son’s confident voice “Amma, just pick it up. I think you can do it”

Well...“I was shit scared”; would be an understatement. (underer? underest statement?)

Flashback : I have always been afraid of animals, especially dogs! (Thanks to a childhood memory of a dog chasing me and me running for my life J). Wherever & whenever I see a dog around me, I freeze. My family of origin loathed dogs. My current family has seen dogs on the streets, neighborhood and movies. Period.

Summary - I do not have a clue on how to lift a dog, what to feed it, how to confirm its gender (not joking!), how to escape from a bite and more importantly, how not to freeze when a dog is around.

So, when I heard my son’s voice, I didn’t know what to do. I realized that the more I stand there and think, the more I am going to get scared (as if a scared puppy is not enough in this scene!)

I lifted it, settled down in our car and we continued our journey.

Needless to say, I had severe palpitations every time it moved on my lap or it yawned (Mind you, I was still learning that puppies have the right to show their teeth even when they are not biting)

Meanwhile, I got in touch with Smita, a friend of mine whom I know loves animals unconditionally and cares for them compassionately. She confirmed the availability of the space for this puppy in a shelter home. The only problem was, it was too far for us to drop it on the same day as we were still on our way back to Bangalore. So, we decided to let the puppy stay with us last night.

When we reached home, to say the least, what followed was a circus. A circus with one puppy and 3 ring masters (me, my hubby and our son) who didn't have a clue of what to do with the puppy.

As a mother, I could sense it naturally when Fluffy (name courtesy : our son) was scared or hungry. So, I decided to be with Fluffy and do a "mom-baby" conversation at night to put him to sleep. And it so happened, Fluffy and I had a beautiful night together getting to know each other better (Thanks to all the tips from my friends through whats app on "how to handle a 2 months old puppy?")

Fluffy slept on my lap and refused to get down till morning(ahem...ahem..I refused to put it down). I started admiring its grace every minute move.

To my surprise, by the time we handed over Fluffy to the CARE shelter's staff, I had developed a deep emotional connection with Fluffy...a connection which I can't express, emote or explain.

Fluffy's scared face, Smita's excellent support, CARE shelter centre's compassionate service, family circus, my "mom-baby" bonding time with Fluffy, my son's laughter whenever I jumped on to a chair to avoid getting "frozen", last few minutes with Fluffy before handing it over, my last kiss to Fluffy...

Must say, the whole experience had been an emotional roller coaster...

Fluffy's love has transformed me. And it happened in one night.

I still wonder.....

Is Fluffy a girl or a boy?

 

 

Power of E

Well...

Let me start by putting things in to perspective - I am a humanist and not a feminist.

Now...over to my latest experience.

I was recently invited as a guest speaker on women's day to address women Chartered Accountants in Karnataka.

The topic I was supposed to talk was "Empowering self for multi-tasking".

Prior to the event, I was preparing the speech at home.

That's when my husband causally asked me : "So, what is the topic?"

I said - "Empowering self for multi-tasking".

He said : "Why empowering? Why not enabling?"

I thought to myself : "Yeah...why not enabling?"

This conversation really made me think.

Though "enabling" is a synonym in the MS word & outlook for "empowering", I did think that it makes more sense to use "enabling" instead of "empowering".

During the event, I started my speech by setting this as the context and spoke about ensuring the support system (personal & professional) by leveraging our ability to communicate, prioritizing by saying no wherever applicable, setting short term & long term goals by identifying our strengths and learning & unlearning by letting it go.

I have been fortunate enough to witness quite a number of successful women in my life - ranging from a go-getter leader with an ability to command respect across the hierarchy in an organization to a photojournalist fighting for the sexual rights of the minority group like trans genders; from an entrepreneur who is successfully running her theatre group to a born orator who shines as a mother/ TV journalist/ party planner; from a single mother who stood up for her believes while bringing up her kids to an extremely positive home maker who can make CEOs run for their money!

When I awe at all these women around me and ask myself....so, how did they make it happen?

The answer I get is...

They just believed they are Empowered. This Enabled them to chase their dreams!









 

My Dearest Sakhi

Sustainability, Global warming, Climate change, Plastic usage, Save water, Save trees....

Like many of you, I also literally switch off my listening mode (and brain) when these words  are used in a conversation that I am part of. Mind you, not that i don't understand. I just don't care!

Well...didn't care.

Till this morning.

The theatre group I am part of were invited to perform a street play, as part of the "Bangalore Tree Festival". As a part of the practice for the play, there were loads of discussions around the repercussions of using plastic, ill-effects of cutting down the trees, what should we do to handle these, how do we go about it...so on and so forth.

The entire theatre experience had planted a strong seed of thought in me - about the way I am taking all these for granted. There were many questions in me that I was not yet willing to address.

But, the thought reached its peak, shook my conscious and made me shrink in shame today, when...

...I got to hug a tree!

As part of an on the spot dance workshop, the participants were asked to hug a tree for 3 minutes.

I laughed when I heard it first.
I approached a tree thinking - "I am definitely going to look silly!"

Well..

Those 3 minutes turned out to be one of the most beautiful moments of my life!
Something in me changed in those 3 minutes...

I felt as if that tree accommodated me so well, in spite of its texture, shape and size.
I felt as if I was taken in to the arms of someone who was determined to protect me for my life.
I felt as if that tree was the most selfless human being, I have ever come across.
I felt as if I am safe in those arms and branches.
I felt as if I am loved unconditionally by a stranger.

I also felt ashamed. Bad. Angry. Sad.

To my surprise, I didn't feel like parting that tree! I didn't feel silly about hugging a tree anymore!

Then, I had to give the tree a name, as part of the workshop.
I chose Sakhi, an eternal friend - considering all her attributes.

My dearest Sakhi - you are still haunting me...

The question in me still remains - What have I done to deserve you?




























 

Sense of anger!

Yes...you heard it right! Haven't you heard of sense of humor?  Something like that!

Daniel Goleman starts his book “Emotional Intelligence” by quoting Aristotle - "Anybody can become angry - that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose and in the right way - that is not within everybody's power and is not easy".

I have always been awed by this statement, not just for the powerful message it doles out but also the way it seeks to mock our ‘sense of anger’.

Reading & learning is one thing; witnessing someone who lives by this quote and learning through that experience is completely a different thing!

In 2003, when I was working as a credit card sales person in the banking industry, I had to go and meet people - entrepreneurs, salaried employees & corporates to sell the cards.

Once, I had the opportunity to meet a middle aged women entrepreneur to sell the card. She was in her mid 40s. A very well dressed, well spoken, educated female who was successfully running her own family business.

It was a successful sales call. She agreed to buy the card. I got her signature on the required documents. I had to get the photocopy of her PAN card as a proof document. As she didn't have a copy, I offered to help her in getting the photocopy of the document. (I really wanted to close this sales call, on the same day).

It took me 10 minutes by walk to reach the nearby shop to photocopy the document. I got the document photocopied, paid the shopkeeper, collected the documents and started walking back to her office. As I was about to reach her office, I quickly checked the documents to ensure that everything is intact.

To my shock/surprise I couldn't find the original copy of her PAN card. I stopped immediately and checked the documents again. Nope! The original PAN card wasn't there. I was in a complete state of panic.

I rushed to the shop to check whether I have misplaced the card there. The shopkeeper searched everywhere possible and confirmed that the card is not there.

I started looking for the card on the walk path. I turned every stone, I moved every sand, hoping to see the card somewhere on the path near the road!

I went back and forth that path - from her office to that shop at least 10 times. Yet, no trace of the card!

The fear started gripping me more and more - Oh God!  "I HAVE LOST HER PAN CARD"!

The sense of guilt and shame stopped me from going back to her office to meet her. I could not imagine the thought of looking in to her eyes and telling her that I have lost her card! I was hoping for a miracle to happen! A miracle,  that could save me from that moment of truth!

I waited on the road for 10 more minutes for the miracle to happen! Well...Nothing happened!

I was not sure whether I wanted to cry first or hit myself first.

So, I decided to go back to her office! Did I have a choice?

I reached her office. My heart started beating faster as I approached her. She looked at me, smiled at me kindly; My heart melted! I felt more ashamed! I felt more scared!

I told her. I didn't explain what happened, how it happened. I just told her! For a minute, she didn't react. I waited for what was to come next.

Then she smiled at me and said "Hmmm...I am thinking, what needs to be done now to apply for a new card. I know that you wouldn't have done intentionally. I also know that you are feeling really bad about it already. The least I want to do is to make you feel even worse!"

What??? Did she really react the way she just did? I couldn't stop myself from asking (thanks to the nagging guilt and the thought that "I definitely deserve a punishment!")

Me - "Are you not angry with me? Don't you feel like shouting at me?"

She continued to look at me with a smile and asked - "Will it help me in getting my lost card?"

Me (my eyes opened as wide as possible) - "How is it even possible for you to react like this?"

Graciously - She answered "I ask myself - What is my intention when I express my anger? Is it to make the other person feel bad? Is it to make the other person realize that his/her actions are wrong? Is it to solve the issue I have now? In this case, you are already feeling bad and you know that what you did was not correct, so, I am directly focusing on the issue! Trust me - in most of the cases, the other person involved in the issue would have already realized the mistake and felt the guilt. So, all I have to do is focus on the solution!"

Wow! Thank you ma'm for teaching me the lesson of my life.

 

As I learn, I teach - As I teach, I learn

At times, a sense of direction and inspiration comes from some unexpected people from nowhere...what do you call it?! Co-incidence?

__________________________________________________________________

Saw this old couple running a small restaurant inside an apartment in Bangalore.

Me - What motivates you to work at this age?

76  year old guy - Necessity....

Me - Hmmm...

Him - Was wealthy till 3 years back. Lost crores of rupees in my business...So, there is a necessity to survive....That's why this small restaurant business.

Me (looking at his 71 year old wife) - It must have been difficult for both of you to go through this...

Him  - Very difficult! But, will it help if I sit and cry thinking about it? So, decided to do what we can, with whatever little money we have. She (looking at his wife) has been a part of my happy days.So she decided to be part of my sad days as well...I am lucky...you know!

Me (Awestruck)......

__________________________________________________________________

What do you call it? Co-incidence??

No...

I would call it Destiny!
They were destined to teach me something about something!

A salute to such teachers and their thoughts!
A salute to such learners and their learning!

Happy Teachers' day, my fellow beings!








 

A drop in an ocean..

Sreerenjini Rajesh -

A complete stranger to me. A person whom I got to know about, 1 year after her demise. Her story moved me. Made me think.

On August 14th, this year, I came across a post shared by someone as "PostPartum/Delivery Depression Awareness Day". As this topic has been close to my heart since my delivery, I was curious to see who has started this campaign. That's how I bumped in to Sreerenjini's story.

A wonderful mother to a 3.5 year old son. A lovely wife. A great friend to many.

But, the death came to her in the form of Postpartum Depression, post her 2nd delivery.

89 days after giving birth to an angel, she took her life on Aug 14th, 2012 due to Postpartum depression.

Though she had displayed all the symptoms of PPD, her family and people in her close circle could not recognize it due to the lack of awareness about PPD. She writhed. She cried. She was desperate. She was hopeless.

Post her death, her husband has started this awareness day campaign to help others avoid the trauma he and his beloved went through.

Sreerenjini's death shook my conscious.

I realized - How much we under estimate the effect of PPD. How PPD affected people are taken for granted though they are in their most vulnerable phase of life. How, unless someone goes through it, cannot empathize with these people. How strong is the stigma attached to this topic.

This realization inspired me to start a campaign in FB.

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Post-Delivery-Depression-Anxiety/429340563849717

 

The objective is to increase the awareness about this in our society and reachout to those in need and their families. The idea is to break the wrong notions that people have towards the women going through this. There is nothing to be ashamed of PPD. Seek help and provide help is the motto.

Please do like this page and be part of this social clause.
You may even save a life by doing so.

Let us ensure that there are no more victims like Sreerenjini - a flower crushed even before it blosommed!

I miss you Sreerenjini - in a strange way!

 

Notes to myself

All I wish for is….

A rainbow when it rains,

A bird humming when the sun shines.
A clear night sky full of stars,
A nice breeze when the world stands still.

A help without expectation,

A tight hug when the life gets tough.
A warm smile when I am lost,
A soothing word when nothing goes right.

An inner voice which shows me the way,

A faith in me when everything fails my way.
An ability to bounce back when I am tired,
An attitude to say “live to love and love to live”.

Wishes are simple…yet many.

Which makes me wonder…

What makes me live and love this life?

 Of course!

The HOPE that these wishes will come true…

And the BELIEF that I am going to see it through!

U Know what - dialogues

A 3 year old boy is crying. Mother puts her index finger on her nose (gestures like in ”shame shame…”) and says “ayyaaeee…only girls cry. Don’t you know that?”

 

The trick worked. The boy stopped crying.

So, what’s wrong in this? The boy stopped crying. Right? So, what is the big deal?

The big deal is that, now, the boy believes that only girls cry!

Is it so?

I have a 3.5 year old son. I am still evolving as a mother and I know that it is a never ending journey. I don’t think there will be a time in my life when I would be able to say “ I am evolved as a mother.”

But, over the years in my journey as a mother, I have experienced (ended up with) and witnessed many such instances which has made me realize the damage created post the “dialogue” in the situation.

As parents, we may be “trapped” in to saying a dialogue due to a particular situation. But, it is important for us to ask ourselves “Really? Do I believe so?” immediately after giving an extremely opinionated dialogue which can form a stereotype or generalization belief, in the kid.

If the answer  to the above question to self is “yes”, then it may be the time for us to realize our own stereotypes/generalization believes and their genesis based on our own experiences. Sometimes, we may be even surprised to realize that we have certain stereotypes/generalization believes which we had never thought of before.

In such situations, the most important point is to let the kid know about the repercussions of a “bad” behavior instead of telling him/her, that only a certain set of kids/community will behave badly.

Few more classic examples that I have come across are:

1)      Boys need to be strong (Girls need not be strong?)

2)      Girls don’t play with guns/Boys don’t play with soft toys (?)

3)      Pink for girls and blue for boys (By the way, who decided these colors? - That reminds me; I need to google to find out!)

4)      As a girl, you need to learn to cook and to clean the house. (age old dialogue)

5)      Beggars are lazy. That’s why they are begging (what message is the parent trying to drive?)

6)      Young generation is impatient. You want everything immediately.

7)      Your classmate XYZ is rich. So, she/he can afford to be lazy.

8)      People from this community/region/country are very cunning. ( a mom telling her friends and her kid listening)

So, next time, when we end up saying "U know what" dialogues,  "U know how" to mitigate the damage!

Happy Parenting!

 

An angel in disguise

I was lost in thoughts when suddenly someone shook my hands, in the bus stop.

 

It was a little girl. Definitely not more than 8 yrs old.

 

Dark complexion. Brown eyes. She was wearing a white turned mild brown (due to dust and dirt) shirt.  And a completely mismatching pink long skirt.

 

The Shirt & the skirt had one common feature – both were torn at many places. Her hair was wild, rough and all over the place. It looked as if, her hair has not been combed or applied oil for ages.

 

Shaking my hands she said – “Give me some money, akka” (Akka means– Sister)

 

I asked -  “Ok. If I give you money, what will you do with that?”

 

She didn’t expect that question. She hesitated. “Hmmmm….”.

 

She took few more seconds to respond. “I will do something…”- She responded in a very innocent tone.

 

I said – “Do something good. Ok?”

 

She gave a side glance to another little boy (who looked like her big brother) who stood few meters away from us.

 

Then she said in a serious tone “But, I will not give it to him!”

 

I said “ I don’t know why you will not give it to him. But, it is up to you!”

 

And I handed over a 20 rupees note to her.

 

Her eyes widened. I saw a flash of smile. Few teethes were missing. But, it was a beautiful smile. And suddenly her face was glowing.

 

She swiftly took the money from my hand. Walked towards her brother. Like a ramp walk! J

She showed that money to him in a “Rajini” style.

She giggled. She jumped. She danced.

 

I couldn’t stop my smile seeing her joy. I was very curious to see, what is she up to. So, I kept watching her.

 

Then, she turned like a stylish model and walked towards the small grocery shop next to her (continuing her ramp walk style!)

 

After entering the small shop, she offered her recently acquired “asset” to the shop keeper and “ordered” -

 

“…..GIVE ME ONE PEPSI”

 

Pepsi???!!!! Wow! – I was pleasantly surprised.

 

Her dramatics didn’t stop there. She took the bottle from the shop and came back and sat near her brother.

 

May be she felt, that sitting posture was not dramatic enough. She changed it. She sat cross-legged and looked as if she was about negotiate a deal with Barack Obama. (Reminded me of “Rajini” in “Padayappa” (tamil) movie's super popular scene!)

 

And gulped that Pepsi at one go! Her brother gave her a “I don’t care. Are you nuts?” look.

 

But, she was in her own world. It was just her and her Pepsi. Nothing else in between!

 

That day, I realized the real meaning of the phrase - “made my day”.

 

Yeah! She made my day!

 

 

 

 

 

An Unfulfilled Wish

Year – 2003

Time – 1.30 PM

Day - Saturday

 

Scene 1

 

I was on my way from Bangalore to my native place in a Government bus. It’s a 8 hours journey.

This was my second trip to my native place after joining the first job in my career, 3 months back.
 

As the bus started moving out of the city, passengers settled in – reading, listening to music, talking (shouting), sleeping, gazing out….

 

I was watching the passing streets, people, shops, trees…and listening to some Tamil songs in my antique Walkman.
 

There was an old woman sitting a few seats before mine. Just behind the driver’s seat. She was sitting there facing the bus door. So, I could see her face.

 

I looked at her. She might have been in her 70’s. Even in 80’s. Her shoulders were humped….as a proof of years of hard work. She had beautiful wrinkles...as a proof of years of survival.

I went on looking at her. Not sure…what thoughts were running in my mind. But, I was intrigued. May be, because of her eyes? Her wrinkles? - I still don’t know.
 

To my shock, she started vomiting suddenly…And she spewed out blood.
 

For few seconds, I was petrified. As soon as I came to my senses, I checked for water and realized my water bottle was empty.

 

I got up from the seat and turned to the passenger’s side. Could see all their eyes trapped on the old lady. But, it looked as if they were all watching a show. No one got up. No one came forward.
 

I raised my voice – “Has any one got a bottle of water ?”
 

1 couple gave me their half-filled bottle. No one came forward, though I could see many people with bottles of water.
 

I went near this old lady and started stroking her back. When she stopped vomiting, she emptied that water bottle in an urge like a baby drinking mother’s milk.
 

She told the bus conductor (helper) “I will get down in next bus stand. I don’t have any one and I don’t have anything”
 

I didn’t know what to do next.
 

We reached the next bus stop in 5 minutes.
 

Driver and I helped her to get down.
 

I came back to my seat. Checked my purse – I had 100 rupees. I took 75 rupees and got down and gave it to her. She blessed me…I saw a few drops of tears in her eyes.
 

I got in to the bus and bus moved on. My thoughts were still with her.
 

 

Scene 2

 

After the next few stops, the bus stopped near a roadside tea/coffee shop for a short break.
 

The couple who gave me the water bottle came to me. The Husband spoke - “ We were shocked when a girl like you just got up and asked for water to help that lady. I never knew, girls like you who look like Jyothika (a female actor in South Indian movies) will come forward for such things. I am still not able to believe.”
 

Another passenger came and offered me a cup of tea – “Amma (Me??? AMMA??), We need people like you. Take this tea from me, please”
 

2 samosas were offered to me by another passenger as an “award” for my act!
 

By the end of that coffee break, I was bestowed a title by the passengers - “AMMA”!

 

 

How I wish, that old amma had received all this attention, love and help!

 

 

I Believe...

Recently, I was invited by an IT organization in Bangalore, to talk on “Women empowerment”.

 

What is women empowerment?

 

I asked this question to 15 people. I got 15 different answers.

 

That’s when I realized, though we have heard this term so many times before, it means different things to different people – of course, driven by their own experiences.

 

To me, it is about “Belief in self” – Hence, I spoke about how to empower ourselves as an individual, as a leader and as a citizen.

 

Apart from very few nuances which are gender specific (eg- female gender’s need to interact more with the ecosystem), the concept of empowerment is very much the same for all the genders.

 

For many, empowering is about someone else empowering them. Someone else, approving us as “good” “bad” “ugly”.

 

But to me, the moment you start believing in yourself and allowing yourself to do what you believe in – that’s empowerment.

 

And it is very individualistic.

 

For some people, they would empower themselves for a family cause. For others it would be for a social cause. For yet another group it would be an individual cause. It would be a combination of all these for many.

 

Why do you want to get empowered? To do what? Would it make you happy?

 

Every individual will need to decide for self on this, not because, someone else thinks “That is the right way of life”.

Because, this individual believes, that, this is his/her way of life.

 

Is it difficult? Of course, yes! But not, impossible!

 

Are you empowering yourself to believe it?

The Butterfly effect!

Nope...I am not talking about the Quantum physics' Butterfly effect. I am talking about the effect, a butterfly had on me :-)

I was on my way to the Psychotherapy class this morning...I was tired, thoughtful and anxiously looking forward to the class that I love. After a restless night due to my son's disturbed sleep, I was not sure, whether I would really be energetic through out the day.

As I was riding my Honda activa (bike), I suddenly felt something hitting my neck. Something very light in weight.

I looked at the rear mirror and didn't see anything. So, I continued to ride.

In the next traffic signal when I stopped the vehicle I looked down and noticed one butterfly trying to climb up my dress towards my lap.

It looked as if, it was really trying hard to climb. Unfortunately, my dress was too slippery to climb.

For a minute I could feel my heart pumping faster, as I was thrilled to see a butterfly on me.

Unsure about the next action, I slowly reached out to it and offered my thumb.

What if it comes to my hand? What a wishful thinking!

Oh My God!

It just easily slipped to my thumb. I just couldn't hold my smile (BIG). I was overwhelmed.

I carefully raised my hand to my eye level as I didn't want to scare it. I removed my helmet with the right hand as this butterfly continued to stay on my left hand's thumb.

Its then that I noticed its beauty. It had 2 beautiful chocolate brown wings with yellow polka dots.

I couldn't believe that this brownie beauty was just staying on my thumb.

This moment took me to a peak of joy and made me smile from my heart.

I couldn't help it. I whispered "Thank you".

It started fluttering its wings as if it got my message and slowly started flying away from me.

As I looked up to bid good bye to this brownie, the reality struck me.

People around me in the traffic signal were gaping at me as if it was a heroine's introduction scene in a kolly/tolly/bollywood movie!!!

Well....

The effect which this butterfly had on me? I would call it "Divine"!!!